Finally decided it was time to get out of the house and stop moping. I went to a Superbowl party at some friends house and had a good time. Great food, great friends, wonderful memories. Stuck around to help clean up afterward because I like helping. It feels so right just doing something for someone who didn't ask for it without expecting anything in return.
Had to use facebook to add a couple new people to my friends list. I haven't logged into facebook in months. I get bored with the same status updates from the same folks all the time. It seems I go in cycles, not logging in for months then brief periods of daily activity. Its almost like my life is a giant slinky, some periods packed with events one after the other, others devoid of events. I started thinking about my family so I looked them up. Found a few of them, can't believe the things they 'like' on their profiles. Its as if I never knew them. Of course, I haven't spoken to any of them in over 15 years which could explain a lot.
I left home at 18 and never looked back really. Spent 4 years in the military, came home a few times to visit but the man I was becoming didn't click with the family I had left behind. Shipped off to Italy for the last two years of military service, used my money to see Europe while I could instead of coming home. Maybe that was my mistake. Spent a month at home after leaving the service until I had found a job and could get my own apartment. Already things were 'strained' between me and them. It seemed nothing I found interesting anymore was even on their radar. I can't say whether it was I that had changed and could no longer connect with my past or whether they had changed while I was away. Perhaps a bit of both. The result was that we were not on the same page anymore, I don't even think we were in the same zip code.
Outside of the occasional holiday dinner and yearly newsletters I barely kept in touch with any of them. It was as if I had discovered that there was a whole world out there with a myriad of beliefs and cultures waiting to be discovered and experienced. Yet, when I tried to share my excitement, they couldn't understand why I would want to leave and go explore. That may be a harsh viewpoint, perhaps it was I that was unable to properly communicate that sense of wonder.
Well, needless to say I took the steps, started the journey and moved out into the world. They are all still within a few minutes of where we grew up. That life seems like a shadow to me, barely remembered, one dimensional and foreign. I'm not saying my life is spectacular, but I feel like I have lived, I have seen and opened my mind to new things. Oddly I don't miss them, but on occasion I do get curious to know how things have turned out. Based on the info they share to non-friends my siblings have followed my mother into the ultra religious realm of Christianity. I don't know if they would like the man I have become, not real sure that even matters anyway. I do things their beliefs tell them I will be suffering in hell for doing. I respect everyone's right to choose what type of life they want to live. I admire those strong enough to stand up for what they believe in. I embrace the kindness of the human heart and console those who are in need. Everything I do is meant to help others live in a better world, yet I am the sinner. How do you argue with that? I don't think I can, so I choose to not surround myself with those people.
Nostalgia gone. Game over, Packers won. My life continues tomorrow. Right now I am headed to put on freshly laundered pajamas, warm from the dryer. Slip into some clean sheets and dream about all of the beautiful people I call friends. Thank you, all of you, for being the loving, caring, nonjudgmental people that you are and for letting me call you friend.
Had to use facebook to add a couple new people to my friends list. I haven't logged into facebook in months. I get bored with the same status updates from the same folks all the time. It seems I go in cycles, not logging in for months then brief periods of daily activity. Its almost like my life is a giant slinky, some periods packed with events one after the other, others devoid of events. I started thinking about my family so I looked them up. Found a few of them, can't believe the things they 'like' on their profiles. Its as if I never knew them. Of course, I haven't spoken to any of them in over 15 years which could explain a lot.
I left home at 18 and never looked back really. Spent 4 years in the military, came home a few times to visit but the man I was becoming didn't click with the family I had left behind. Shipped off to Italy for the last two years of military service, used my money to see Europe while I could instead of coming home. Maybe that was my mistake. Spent a month at home after leaving the service until I had found a job and could get my own apartment. Already things were 'strained' between me and them. It seemed nothing I found interesting anymore was even on their radar. I can't say whether it was I that had changed and could no longer connect with my past or whether they had changed while I was away. Perhaps a bit of both. The result was that we were not on the same page anymore, I don't even think we were in the same zip code.
Outside of the occasional holiday dinner and yearly newsletters I barely kept in touch with any of them. It was as if I had discovered that there was a whole world out there with a myriad of beliefs and cultures waiting to be discovered and experienced. Yet, when I tried to share my excitement, they couldn't understand why I would want to leave and go explore. That may be a harsh viewpoint, perhaps it was I that was unable to properly communicate that sense of wonder.
Well, needless to say I took the steps, started the journey and moved out into the world. They are all still within a few minutes of where we grew up. That life seems like a shadow to me, barely remembered, one dimensional and foreign. I'm not saying my life is spectacular, but I feel like I have lived, I have seen and opened my mind to new things. Oddly I don't miss them, but on occasion I do get curious to know how things have turned out. Based on the info they share to non-friends my siblings have followed my mother into the ultra religious realm of Christianity. I don't know if they would like the man I have become, not real sure that even matters anyway. I do things their beliefs tell them I will be suffering in hell for doing. I respect everyone's right to choose what type of life they want to live. I admire those strong enough to stand up for what they believe in. I embrace the kindness of the human heart and console those who are in need. Everything I do is meant to help others live in a better world, yet I am the sinner. How do you argue with that? I don't think I can, so I choose to not surround myself with those people.
Nostalgia gone. Game over, Packers won. My life continues tomorrow. Right now I am headed to put on freshly laundered pajamas, warm from the dryer. Slip into some clean sheets and dream about all of the beautiful people I call friends. Thank you, all of you, for being the loving, caring, nonjudgmental people that you are and for letting me call you friend.
merlowe:
You are too kind..thank you for the sweet comments on my vid!! And I love warm PJ's!!