nihilism

I just wanna have someone around...that I can stand to be around all the time...

Why exactly is this plaguing my mind so much?

I'm better...just don't do anything that reminds me of what happened...

That's the only thing I need...

So Saturday I find out why I haven't talked to that stupid cunt...

She decided to just start dating some random fucking scene emo kid out of fucking nowhere...

I want to know what the fuck I did to her to deserve something like that...

Needless to say, I've had lots of beer running through my system since I've figured out what was going on......
Read More

Things were up, things were down, things got to be extremely "okay" and that's where I am now. I'm not happy, not sad, not bored, not excited, not loving, not lethargic, nothing really...

I'll feel a lot better when I get to hang with her again...or at least talk to her like I used to...

Long talks on the phone from an out-of-area number and then a feeling of emptiness when they're back in the zip code...should go away tomorrow...

Things are good, but are looking really really really gloomy...thanks for making everything so difficult!

*THUMBS UP!*

*shrug*

That's about the extent of things...

I'm happier than I have been in a long time. I think the estimated time it's been since I've been this happy is somewhere around 8 months.

If measured from the last time I was this close and/or having what I've got now, it's 4 years...I feel really old with that statistic.

My dad doesn't have cancer. We found a a week ago or something. Now he's back to being an alcoholic (that is, if he quit being one for that short period of time in the first place).

And now that I have a girl to be interested in again who's interested in me for once, I can't ever get her to come around here...instead, she's...
Read More

So my sister informs me today that my dad is supposed to have some sort of talk with us about what's going on. What's going on is this:

My dad has some sort of growth on the inside of one of his cheeks that he is getting tested to see if he has some sort of cancer and his red blood cells are way up....
Read More

I don't understand how my account is still active.

Got my new guitar today. It's awesome.

Watched a girl I'm still in love with destroy herself with alcohol last nite. It depressed me.

The more I go to Blacksburg, the more I want to live there.

Writing a lot of free verse things and/or what I'm thinking about in paragraphs.

Re-evaluating morals, values, friendships, everything...
Read More

Random ass sores in my mouth are back...so nevertheless, that's absolutely stunning for me...