Will I ever be satisfied?
That seems to be the way everything is going in my life. I don't really know what it is.
I had my date last night, went well, she was really cool, had a great sense of humour and really made me laugh (a rarity, I find few girls that make me genuinely laugh). I just feel lately like nobody is good enough, or that even I'm not good enough for anybody. Probably just a sign that I probably shouldn't really be dating anyone, at least not seriously. I love meeting new people and love the opportunity to be in social settings. It's also tough since pretty much all my close friends are in long term relationships, so understandably I am not a priority, nor do I expect to be. It's a strange feeling to want love but at the same time reject the notion of it (for me personally). I really hate being this cynical about life too, usually I try to be positive and optimistic but when it comes to that aspect of my life, I just feel like any effort is a lost cause. Maybe it's for the best ultimately though, it'll let me concentrate on my school and job which will benefit me in the long run. My schooling will lead to me to a career where being attached to someone will be stressed and likely not work anyway. I should probably get used to this feeling, maybe turn it into a positive energy someone, I just hope I can find that soon so I can get rid of this hole in my chest. I'm tired of restless nights, dreams while I'm awake of constantly spiraling in emptiness, constantly questioning my own worth and if it's worth the stress that I put on myself worrying about how other people may or may not feel about me. Does this make sense to anybody else, or am I just going crazy? Maybe I'm just not over the last relationships as much as I thought? Maybe I just need to get laid? A hug? A friend?
That seems to be the way everything is going in my life. I don't really know what it is.
I had my date last night, went well, she was really cool, had a great sense of humour and really made me laugh (a rarity, I find few girls that make me genuinely laugh). I just feel lately like nobody is good enough, or that even I'm not good enough for anybody. Probably just a sign that I probably shouldn't really be dating anyone, at least not seriously. I love meeting new people and love the opportunity to be in social settings. It's also tough since pretty much all my close friends are in long term relationships, so understandably I am not a priority, nor do I expect to be. It's a strange feeling to want love but at the same time reject the notion of it (for me personally). I really hate being this cynical about life too, usually I try to be positive and optimistic but when it comes to that aspect of my life, I just feel like any effort is a lost cause. Maybe it's for the best ultimately though, it'll let me concentrate on my school and job which will benefit me in the long run. My schooling will lead to me to a career where being attached to someone will be stressed and likely not work anyway. I should probably get used to this feeling, maybe turn it into a positive energy someone, I just hope I can find that soon so I can get rid of this hole in my chest. I'm tired of restless nights, dreams while I'm awake of constantly spiraling in emptiness, constantly questioning my own worth and if it's worth the stress that I put on myself worrying about how other people may or may not feel about me. Does this make sense to anybody else, or am I just going crazy? Maybe I'm just not over the last relationships as much as I thought? Maybe I just need to get laid? A hug? A friend?
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I appreciate the advise though, I really do need to try to cut to the heart of things and not over think everything. That is my downfall though, I over think and over analyze everything in my life.
A hug I can always process though, hard to over think that