To answer some questions, I have medicaid, and they absolutely deny everything. Everything. Literally. They're letting me die. I have to buy insurance at this point, to get care. I've been paying for my own mri as is along with everything else they refuse. At this point I've ran my credit cards up to where I can only pay interest but I can't even afford another urgent care visit. I'd have to go to the ER. Which would suck...... Very much, especially because they'll do nothing and tell me to follow up with a doctor I can no longer see because she doesn't take Medicaid anymore. 🙃. It's so awesome. Medicaid wait list is 7-8 months to be seen... That's not realistic when you're actively going downhill. I've been sick nonstop this year... I'm getting over the flu for the fourth time since November. I'm exhausted. So so exhausted. I can't keep food down this week now, I can take a bite then put my food away for an hour, then repeat. Otherwise I'm uncomfortable and everything is coming back up. I don't know what that's about at all. Hairs falling out again..... Facial pain is almost unbearable. I have rso, but it only does so much. My body's starting to hurt everywhere all the time.
I'm trying to keep myself together but not sleeping because I wake up every few hours in pain is taking a toll lately. There's lots going on.... I just feel tired. So indescribably tired. Physically.... Emotionally.... Some days I just want to sleep forever and it to all be over already. I can't expect many people who haven't been terminally ill to really understand that feeling..... But it's getting to a point where I'm more miserable awake.....and I can't sleep for shit. What do you do, ya know?
People keep asking me for content.... But honestly, you don't want to see me. I'm very sick, it's not sexy, it's not fun to see. I'm sorry I'm letting everyone down. I've been doing this since 2006. 18 years..... It's a long time. Everything takes a toll.
I need to lay down, but I thought I should maybe say more than previously before all the suggestions and advice pours in. I appreciate it, but I already know what I need to do. I need to find a way to purchase insurance. And probably file bankruptcy 🥴. I'll probably have to go work, but I don't know if I have anything left in me right now. Washing my hair is a chore.... 😔
I'm trying my best to keep it together. I really am. It's just getting so difficult.
Willow keeps me company.... The energy I have goes into my art... And even that's getting harder.
Thanks you guys for sticking by me, and believing in me. The odds are stacked against me.... But I'm still here, for now ❤️