Unsatisfied, still.

16

....lots of questions & no answers.

Why can't I just be happy & in love with something already? Wabisabi imperfections have always been the best.

It never used to be this difficult before.... Before what, though? I never used to have such standards. I all but have blinders on now and I still can't focus.

Fixated on perfection, as I seek a balance between work,...
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pointman11:
That balance is a difficult one. I battle that to. I see others around me who can do that so easily but I can' figure out why. You are not alone in this. Hopefully that can ease a little bit of isolation. In regards to him... You are an incredible woman and a man would be honored and blessed to have you in his life. He does exist. He is out there.  I am sure tgast there us a man looKing for exactly that in a woman. I know I do. He will find you and you him.
missdevhill:
Posting on SG helps. Thank you for always accepting me. I hope I never want to stop

Back to square one & I hate it

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What happened?... I thought that I had gone sooo far & made such progress...

How did I get back here, to where I started from?

Saw that I made another evil man richer...again, before I got left behind.

Saw that he shared my progress with his loved ones, before my face was smashed into my failure & I became their doormat, so... Guess, he's not...
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pointman11:
Looking foir work doies suck. I hope you find something tgat brings enthusiasm back to you. But to say that you will never be much? I disagree whole heartedly. You are incredible.  You have passions. You have sensuality. No regular man deserves you and not any man would do. Physically you are breath taking. And so many men would feel honored by your attention. Being filled with hate will not be and anchor for you. You can do so much and will get to where you want to be. I believe that whole heartedly
littlejohn22:
i am so sorry you are in this situation, i wish i could be there for you. Know you are loved here,

Can you do it for me?

 46

Stuck in a rut of wanting to be intimate with someone but not wanting just anyone to touch me. I want so much that I can't have & to be honest, I have no plan for the "what ifs" so trying for it would be a disaster. I want to feel something again, though. Im innocent enough to keep it clean. ....maybe I can learn to be like a tandem sky diving instructor - they look like they get paid to cuddle.

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pointman11:
You are stunning!!!
cabocharlie:
I would jump out of a plane just to cuddle with you.

Been fighting this urge to partner up for so long...it's all I really…

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But this next move of mine will require the support that only an intimate can provide... I want to be held, I'm sure, just not by anyone that would want to hold me, I know. I want to run & hide from the thought of being weak enough to need someones assistance. I want to rule the world & that's not gonna happen without love....
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littlejohn22:
I hope you can put yourself back out there, if I was ten years younger... maybe 15... I would ask you out
madman6048:
I've been in a similar place.  I hope you find what you're looking for.  What ever this next move, i wish you the best of luck.  Never settle for anything less than what you truly want.  And if you find something or someone you want, I hope you are ab,e to make them/it yours.

Saturday

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Kitten woke me up way to early this morning, runnin around the house & knocking sht down. 1 #wakeandbake later & I watched him try to jump through a closed window as the sun rises in the background. Got a 4am msg about buyin all my pot (hmmm) ... Making coffee now. Yeah, today will be a good day.

littlejohn22:
kitty cats rule

Hell hath no furry, bro.... trust :)

15

Today was fun. Did some of my job. Got to talk with growers and folks in the same competitive space as my group...funny how those that have made it so far can have a such a different outlook on the future of price per lb. Got to help out a long time friend with a perfect job offer from an acquaint's HR search. Got my...
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missdevhill:
Thank you, John. You are one of the best!
bl8228:
Glad to hear that you are feeling better

I must love those that hate me most

 53

Bluntly blogging - most of the time I feel honestly disliked, shunned or ignored... Like there is an over all disdain for whatever is in my general direction & I must be invisible or something. ..reality is "not that into you" is an easily understood understatement that I wish I could roll with...."wouldn't rather not see me beat by a flashy pummel stick" was a reality I had to comprehend on Valentine's day & I still couldn't care less. I have to give it up... After several years of this, I can understand that I'm more than unwanted by those I feel I love and could support most. Regardless of my actions or inactions, I am hated & I will continue to be hated & I dont care enough, or maybe I care too much, to change this perception.... I will never be loved by anyone, in a way that will satisfy me... So, piss off & fuck the world.

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tspark:
Beautiful bum!
missdevhill:
Lol it's been 2 years and this is still me

Finally able to post pics again

 68

It's been a while & I've been busy.... I had fun this morning, pretty sure. Have to swear this afternoon. Meetings this week & next as the boss is out on vacation. Cquad just closed escrow so "yeay" I'm making history. Seeking someone to run for city council. Ready to get my neighborhood familiar with CERT & I want to reach out to Reach Out before the months end.... Im wanting to be touched, pretty sure... just maybe not anytime soon

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wastrel82:
Very nice! 😊😊😊
tspark:
Beautiful!

Today has been a day...

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I can't remember a day where I was able to shove all aspects of my life into focus for a few moments, before sundown... Today was one of those beautifully rare days where everything briefly aligned so perfectly that i was able to gain a clear glimps at the long road ahead...

I can do this...

I should start walking again.

Still think about being...
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waitformetoturnblue:
❤️
missdevhill:
Lol although I love many... i have not found that one person i love and want to touch me

It may just be my device....

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but I'm having trouble uploading pics from my phone.

I can upload pics from other devices ok np

It's just annoying to have to transfer pics & the other device doesn't have a selfie cam :/

So much going on right now.

caraphernelia:
What phone do you have? is it just when uploading pics to SG?
missdevhill:
I have an LG and a Samsung... the LG stops in mid  upload when i try to to post 26 pics & wont show the green post/submit button when I only try to post 13. Trying to post similar from the Samsung but it's out of date so it's making me upload one pic at a time.. I maybe spend 2-5 minutes on this at a time when I try before give up I move onto work stuffs
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