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this blank square is symbolic of a universal blandness. today my life felt like plain oatmeal... healthy, practical, and fucking boring.
im tired of being disappointed.
the only person who has interested me in a long time turns out to be taboo for reasons involving my best friend that i i had not fully understood before.
i cannot and will not be responsible for hurting...
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odeeeil:
that poem is absolutely fantastic smile
dashwood_one:
My brother's favourite rhyme when he was a kid was simple: 'The Cow is of the bovine ilk/One end moo/the other end milk.' And why not? I have no favourite, but I did write one for my Niece when she was little, and asked me what the sky was. 'Under the blue bowl of sky I stand/The blue is scratched, as if by a giant's hand/Rule straight lines that scour the glaze/Etched by the jets that traverse it's ways.'
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i found something i'd written a long time ago in an old journal today.

im going to write it here for the sake of any woman who loved someone who was emotionally unavailable and then finally got over it. I think its kindof funny.....

An empty wine glass hovers like an elegant tooth near the edge of the windowsill, clouded slightly at the rim with...
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ikon:
"....his eyelashes seemed to curl up like those of the contented cows in butter commercials". yeah. I had to stop reading for a minute and laugh at that one. Nice visual.
chico349:
I wish I knew whether your words are as beautiful as they seem to me now
Or whether I want to sleep with your picture
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its nice to know you have a stage for a soliloquy anytime you please. smile

a while back i was informed by, incidentally, the same friend i mentioned in my last blog (who i've known since 6th grade) that a particular boy we knew in high school is working as a bartender at a fancy restaurant near my apartment. ever since i have occasionally thought of...
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mckenzie:
hope u had a nice Halloween...! kiss
pistolita:
i think you should send him a note, that says: "hi, I'm Mary. Remember me from highschool? (circle yes or no). I thought you were cute. Did you think I was cute? (circle yes or no)"
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there was something very syrupy about today. it poured out slowly, thick and gold, and i felt like an ancient mosquito encased within it. swami moved from one shaded corner of the hardwood floor to another, letting out long meows and looking at me with both love and contempt as though there was something i could have done about the heat. but i know that...
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thebayer:
Wow, That is so well put. I've had a long spell where I've not met anyone special in my life, and I long for that again. But I remember being so absolutely shattered in the past by my relationships. Back then I used to jump from relationship to relationship. I was so sure it was better to be in any relationship than to be alone. To give you an idea, I almost moved to New Zealand for a girl I had never been in the presence of (just phone/internet.) It took a lot of time to mend, she was my world. I remember just barely managing to go to work for months. It emptied me out and there was nothing left but surviving. Eventually I found that being single wasn't too bad, at first a necessity to recover, later a choice (in the lack of interesting girls.) That said, the romantic spark is still there. It was hard to hold on to it for a while, but out of all my bad/hard relationships, good things still came... so I knew romance and love could be worth it. And I regret none of it. I hope one day (soon) I find someone to be passionate about again. The memory of that feeling still haunts me.

It is heartening to know that someone so beautiful and talented as you struggles with shyness when confronting someone from your past. (referencing your next blog) I say go for it. Be a true romantic and go say hi. Don't force it, just be yourself. If I were that guy I'd be flattered, and that sort of thing comes rarely for most guys. If he doesn't find you amazing, it is his loss.

That said, now the task at hand is to remember to live up to my own advice. That's the tough part.
spiderboy:
While I appreciate your thoughtfulness, I believe that many of today's concepts of love have been created by the media. Unfortunately, Hollywood films generally end when romance just begins, and fail to take into account the inevitable ebb and flow of love.

In my humble opinion there is no greater love and no better sex than that between friends, but good old friendship lacks the type of drama and fireworks that results in box office smashes. I suppose my point is that maybe we all try too hard to find "the one", and then when we fail, we summon the will to keep trying, but isn't this "one" really just a fabrication of 21st century marketing?

Perhaps friendship is actually at our fingertips, and human nature dictates that we desire that which may never be available.
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again i resurface after a long period of time. i am like that... moody and easily disenchanted by the prospect of dealing with all those damn emails and all the people i know who seem to think i cannot be a true friend unless ive sanctioned it by accepting them on myspace. but! time cures all because my email account was closed down and happily...
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darbot:
I can relate. I find myself costantly caught in plans for the future and forgetting my every day passing right before me. I have to remind myself that my grand schemes mean nothing if I'm missing everything in between.
I'm jealous you're in Portland. Nothing like some distance to make you appreciate the small-ish town you came from.
skinnybonzjones:
Mary, just read this passage- it spoke to me,
thank you, i am seriously missing her after a year & find myself
saying "no more"...i cannot, will not, love another...
so much passion, love, within...you are right, keep the fight,
open a vein, let your love flow...have courage to open to another.
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sometimes when i need to be at my most productive and focused, i get irritated at all that i expect from myself and, ungracefully, bow out. right now i should be wrapping up the tail end of my monstrous art school application process but the whole thing just has been on my shoulders so long i feel like doing nothing at all about it. instead...
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limepopsicle:
i know how you feel about being overwhelmed. i like to think of a happy image or imagine myself doing something that i know will make me smile. it really helps. i know it sounds cheesy. (i picture myself eating lime popsicles. smile)
bendingunit23:
hey your here!!

hope your life is going great!!