Disheartened. I just wish people could see me, I know its part of having BPD, but sometimes I just get so tired of dealing with the attachment issues and all the bullshit with trying to make friends and start relationships. When things get too intense I tend to hide away, and people think I am this weak person, when in reality, I am too intense, I fall head over heels into the river and it always feels like I am drowning the other person, then I feel guilty that I don't live up to the expectation so I pull away, and its this never ending loop. I want friends, I want to fall in love, but I am really starting to think that maybe that's just not who I'm meant to be.
I cheated on my ex husband with a man that I had fallen in love with, but at the time I couldn't reach out, on the internet I can express my feelings all fucking day long, but in real life, I would rather run into a burning church than tell someone I have feelings for them. Well two years later he came back into my life and I was so happy to finally have the courage to be able to tell him how strong those feelings still were, but the timing is off, and I can already feel the loop starting, it kills me that I have the chance, but my fear is holding me back.
I cheated on my ex husband with a man that I had fallen in love with, but at the time I couldn't reach out, on the internet I can express my feelings all fucking day long, but in real life, I would rather run into a burning church than tell someone I have feelings for them. Well two years later he came back into my life and I was so happy to finally have the courage to be able to tell him how strong those feelings still were, but the timing is off, and I can already feel the loop starting, it kills me that I have the chance, but my fear is holding me back.
sometimes it means you have to stick your neck out, and the rewards are actually kinda great. i realize it's always a risk, but i dunno, without understanding the full situation, it's hard to give you advice. but, i always tell everyone, just be true to yourself. that's the most important thing <3
love ya.
p.s. thanks. i think he's the most adorable guy i've ever seen <3