like... it seems like i sabotage my own relationships when they idle too long... thats a little scary... only a few days remain till chad and i hit our six month mark... but its been almost two months since any major changes have occurred in the relationship.
i love yous have been said
we've had excess time together
and a few scattered days and nights apart
time in seperate states
time in the same house
times we've gone out
and times we've stayed in
what's left?
my mother's answer: engagement.
sure.
that's plausible.
we're twenty years old, and only six months into both of our first serious adult relationships. I'm sure marriage is the furthest thing from his mind.
but...
it's not exactly the furthest thing from my mind.
if i couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with this guy, i wouldn't have wasted more than a month, let alone six. nor would i have endured any of the stressors we have already been through (such as his work, my instability, and his friends' overall distaste for me)
but i don't expect to get married tomorrow
or even engaged tomorrow
it would just be nice to know that it is even an option, somewhere down the line.
like, give me some sort of hope.
like, make a plan for next month, next year, etc.
well... i guess he did invite me to his best friend's wedding, 12 months from now...
but i'm not even sure i could handle that...
weddings are so... touchy...
like... you get there, and if you're the groom's friend, you are trying to send him telepathic messages to get out, it's a trap, but if you are a female, you are either imagining or remembering you're own wedding... or you are depressedly gulping wine a the realization that the whole ceremony is beyond your reach... that it is an appendage of dating and romance that you may never aquire.
it's like.... level 56 on tetris... and it's quite possible that you are going to be stuck at level ten forEVER...
and i know that you have to spend time on each level to graduate to the next one... to perfect it and all that... but don't you ever get tired of game overs and restarting?
and would you even play if you knew that there was a level 56 but you could never get to it because there's an unwritten rule that says if your name is Kristiana O'Shiannahan that you will never ever ever, as hard as you try, summit level 11?
some days it seems pointless.
goddammit.
i love yous have been said
we've had excess time together
and a few scattered days and nights apart
time in seperate states
time in the same house
times we've gone out
and times we've stayed in
what's left?
my mother's answer: engagement.
sure.
that's plausible.
we're twenty years old, and only six months into both of our first serious adult relationships. I'm sure marriage is the furthest thing from his mind.
but...
it's not exactly the furthest thing from my mind.
if i couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with this guy, i wouldn't have wasted more than a month, let alone six. nor would i have endured any of the stressors we have already been through (such as his work, my instability, and his friends' overall distaste for me)
but i don't expect to get married tomorrow
or even engaged tomorrow
it would just be nice to know that it is even an option, somewhere down the line.
like, give me some sort of hope.
like, make a plan for next month, next year, etc.
well... i guess he did invite me to his best friend's wedding, 12 months from now...
but i'm not even sure i could handle that...
weddings are so... touchy...
like... you get there, and if you're the groom's friend, you are trying to send him telepathic messages to get out, it's a trap, but if you are a female, you are either imagining or remembering you're own wedding... or you are depressedly gulping wine a the realization that the whole ceremony is beyond your reach... that it is an appendage of dating and romance that you may never aquire.
it's like.... level 56 on tetris... and it's quite possible that you are going to be stuck at level ten forEVER...
and i know that you have to spend time on each level to graduate to the next one... to perfect it and all that... but don't you ever get tired of game overs and restarting?
and would you even play if you knew that there was a level 56 but you could never get to it because there's an unwritten rule that says if your name is Kristiana O'Shiannahan that you will never ever ever, as hard as you try, summit level 11?
some days it seems pointless.
goddammit.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
chad asked me to marry him...
haha
but we're waiting till 2009... we want to make sure all of our finances and whatnot are in order... so we aren't bringing eachother debt and poverty and whatnot...
thanks for the support though!!
it blows my mind to know people actually see this thing