“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.

Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything

I'm beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.

my new Thai girlfriend says it's okay to have a small penis. I still wish she didn't have one

caraphernelia:
what the hell XDDD

so tonight at work this woman told me she was so horny she would fuck a plunger and would end up in a coma when it caused her to slip in the shower.

caraphernelia:
what the hell XD

If someone starts a sentence with “words can’t express,” brace yourself, because they’re about to give it a hell of a try anyways

What if there's no such thing as the Placebo Effect, and instead, sugar just actually cures everything?

atae:
Ha... no sugar is the curse.

Whether you're a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.

emibot:
Hehehehehehehe good one
atae:
Yessss. I so love doing that.

Why does pornhub have a share button?

Who's going "Hey grandma, check out this black guy with a 12 inch dick bang this big booty midget"

Grandma likes this

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caraphernelia:
hahahahahah....but @atae, SG is no porn XD
atae:
@caraphernelia  very true, but who needs porn when you have sg, however that's why I dropped the mention of metart and I also suggest their sister site sexart. Very trustyworth sites if you need penetration viewing pleasures.

"It's not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes

In order to start my deer breeding business I’m going to need 5,000 bucks

caraphernelia:
well.. XD

I want to be something really scary for Halloween. So this year, I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 3%

caraphernelia:
looooll XD