There will be room here for ghosts...
I woke up to an email and a text.
And I haven't gone back to sleep.
I haven't cried in years as much as I have these past 7 days.
I feel like I'm watching a flaming ship go down.
He's standing on it.
And they were my matches.
I don't enjoy being this complex, or convoluted.
Perhaps I deserve this amount of isolation.
I think that this might just send me to another "episode"
My insides feel rotting and no amount of prayer or hope or god will save me
I don't even know where to begin to look.
There were not bread crumbs, on the x spot.
And maybe I am that girl.
Maybe thats why I threw up all morning.
Maybe it's why my mother hates me, and I cannot be in public places.
I said over and over I don't want to be that.
The one who hurts you anymore.
I'm not good at being cared about.
I didn't want to see you for this reason.
I needed to be hated by you.
Because I know how to be that person.
I am nothing but flesh and gore and somehow the embodiment of peoples failure.
and I have sent you to the hospital again.
I've been told I'm not allowed to find you.
That's where I should be.
Somewhere were no one is allowed to find me.
Locked away from the world.
Everything I touch I destroy.
And now I remember why I should take a long walk at the beach.
With rocks in my pockets.
I woke up to an email and a text.
And I haven't gone back to sleep.
I haven't cried in years as much as I have these past 7 days.
I feel like I'm watching a flaming ship go down.
He's standing on it.
And they were my matches.
I don't enjoy being this complex, or convoluted.
Perhaps I deserve this amount of isolation.
I think that this might just send me to another "episode"
My insides feel rotting and no amount of prayer or hope or god will save me
I don't even know where to begin to look.
There were not bread crumbs, on the x spot.
And maybe I am that girl.
Maybe thats why I threw up all morning.
Maybe it's why my mother hates me, and I cannot be in public places.
I said over and over I don't want to be that.
The one who hurts you anymore.
I'm not good at being cared about.
I didn't want to see you for this reason.
I needed to be hated by you.
Because I know how to be that person.
I am nothing but flesh and gore and somehow the embodiment of peoples failure.
and I have sent you to the hospital again.
I've been told I'm not allowed to find you.
That's where I should be.
Somewhere were no one is allowed to find me.
Locked away from the world.
Everything I touch I destroy.
And now I remember why I should take a long walk at the beach.
With rocks in my pockets.
thefreddy:
from what I've read, you shouldn't beat yourself up. Just move on.