Evidently Black Lives Don’t Yet Matter in San Diego

San Diego, CA – In the wake of shootings in Tulsa, OK and Charlotte, NC, which served as warnings to police that further violence against African Americans could lead to civil unrest, another African American man was shot and killed in El Cajon, a suburb of San Diego.

Police were dispatched to the Broadway Village Shopping...
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Man Eaten Alive After Using Wrong Pronoun

Oklahoma City, OK – An area man was swallowed whole by a… something after incorrectly addressing… it by… its favored pronoun of the week. Jerome Wilson, a 27 year old African American man, was waiting patiently at a bus stop when he noticed that Zara Pendleton, a 362 pound amorphous… thing that was born as a female right here...
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jozsef:
You made me laugh. BTW, what say you about the premise that an adjective preceding a noun is a hateful racist slur but reversing the order and inserting the word "of" transforms the same words into the most respectful and loving phrase there can be? For my part, I play it safe and now get parts for my old car from the yard of junk. You probably think I'm kidding (which would mean you think I'm a racist. Watch it!)

Big Surprise, Banks Are Full of Douchelords

California based bank Wells Fargo faced the wrath of the Senate, this week, after reports of shady business practices over the last several years came to light. CEO, and amateur pig rectum pickling enthusiast, John G. Stumpf came head-to-head with the Senate Banking Committee, lorded over by Richard C. Shelby (R-Alabama). During the two hour exercise in verbal...
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jozsef:
That all sounds good.

2016 Emmys Most Diverse Ever; Rainbows, and Sunshine, and Shit

The 2016 Emmy Awards, held at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles, CA, marked the most diverse series of nominees in its 68 years of existence. The entire show left the crowd, both there and those at home, with a sickening sense of happiness and genuine delight. The host, Jimmy Kimmel – You remember, the once-fat...
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Oxford English Dictionary Reaching Capacity

Editor’s Note: This article has been modified to simplify the material for a wider audience. The sections in bold print are for your benefit, and may be skipped over by the more intelligent bipeds (biped – Noun: An animal that uses two legs for walking)to expedite (ekspəˌdīt – Verb: Make (an action or process) happen sooner or be accomplished more...
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jozsef:
Oh, golly, what are we to do? This is so scary like. But seriously, it is a fucking octothorpe. I usually read it as number sign though. Will it in five years become badger's bladder because someone says it is? Probably. It's so depressing, I mean why can't everyone be more like me and just write stupid shit occasionally, like maybe one or two times a week?

Bill Cosby of Pornography Gets Taste of Own Medicine

The “boy next door” of porn, James Deen, has had a career as colorful and riddled with bumps as his un-photoshopped penis. Recent court actions against the bad boy adult film star have landed him several months in jail as he awaits trial for multiple rape cases. Back in November, his former squeeze, and adult film...
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Americans Take a Moment to Collectively Vomit as November Inches Closer

Citizens all around the United States took a moment to, as a nation, collectively puke their guts out as the presidential election draws ever closer. The top nominees are in a dead heat, and the population at large is still asking “do we really want either of these shitlords in control of our country...
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... this absolutely lovely lady ( @sophoulla )just released a set to MR today. Give it some love.

https://www.suicidegirls.com/girls/sophoulla/album/2856941/swan-song/