SO i been in a series of relationships for over a tree years now, one where i was just played, i can admit that. Another where she just wanted sex, i was ok with that too. And the other where we were awesome but she always had to go somewhere or had no time for me. She has a kid, im fine with that but it just seemed like she never had time to even give me a call. Sounds like it should be the other way around doesnt it? Well soon after she got a new job she just been avoiding me. Was talking to other woman after but no one had me feel like the way this one did, i couldn't forget her. I feel like we never hit it off, or she just didnt want to. Overall i feel like i was deprived, not just sex but the overall feeling she had me at. Anyways im at a depressing state, i barley get any sleep, loss of hunger, find myself drinking more. I feel like i cant make a woman happy anymore. I watched one of my ex's get married the other day. I though i was ok, i ended up blacking out throwing up all over myself on the floor after the party. Ahahah no more vodka for me anymore ahahah. I've always felt depression, just never accepted it. I honestly can say that im depressed now. I've always been suicidal but let myself suffer with what i need to deal with. Depression sucks and it's been around my whole life, never thought i could feel so lifeless, like nothing is enjoyable anymore. Just recently stopped smoking weed just to see if it helps, something i always went to whenever i felt low, i guess i'll just have to see where that goes. This is my first actual blog, kind of out of no where, but i have no one i can talk to, never had anyone to talk to... well hope everyones doing great and hope all goes well!