asha_man

I think I figured it out.

I feel nothing. If I'm not left pining for some unrequited love, writhing internally in anger, or drowning in my own bottomless pools of depression and sorrow...then I have nothing to feel.

Its like I'm a passenger in my own head, watching as my body goes through its daily machinations. Things that should make me happy just make me...
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For the first time in a long time I feel content. I finally feel completely whole after picking up the pieces from a broken relationship years ago. With out even realizing it I let go of an even older unrequited love. I'm not struggling to pay my bills, I have a roof over my head, I'm wrapping up my first semester of my second degree....
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How bout those Phillies. Fuck New York, Fuck CC, Fuck all you fairweather fans across America.

So I recently found out that my disease is years farther along than I thought it was. Years farther along than it should be. I don't even know what to say about it. I'm sitting here staring at my computer screen trying to pin down some way to express how I'm feeling, but I can't. Its really hard to describe how to feel when you...
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New ink. Still working on pics.

After far too much whiskey, Stone Fences and double Jack and cokes, we started a new tradition. Today is officially All Whores Eve. We celebrated it at midnight with Red Headed Sluts. Starting next year we will be dressing and acting as whorishly as possible. Then on All Whores Day, September 27th, we will reflect on all our whorish ways and all the ways whores...
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New ink...maybe I'll toss up some pics soon.

Yeah, it was a pretty bad weekend. Gotta keep on keeping on.

In addition....do you know whats an amazing feeling? (please note the sarcasm literally oozing from that statement.) Its that hollowness you get inside when you realize that absolutely nothing matters. Your life doesn't matter. Everything you do is completely meaningless. When you look at this whole existence in true perspective it becomes easy to see that we are all just insignificant specks fucking around on...
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Fuck me. Fuck you. Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck beer. Fuck espn. Fuck ritalin. Fuck all-nighters. Fuck studying. Fuck nursing. Fuck after hours. Fuck ex's. Fuck red coats. Fuck cheating whores. Fuck all whores. Fuck crazy bitches. Fuck all you crazy bitches. Fuck being drunk. Fuck being depressed. Fuck wanting to put a hole in the wall. Fuck wawa (and I love wawa). Fuck futons....
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One thing I love about this site is the absolute anonymity. I don't have a myspace, and facebook is fucking ridiculous, so I have SG. I don't know any of you fuckers so I can write anything I want in here and no one reads it and no one gives a shit. Being one fish in an entire sea offers an odd sense of freedom...
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An endless string of masochistic moments. Tirelessly self-tormenting. And completely unable to stop. Once again...its the things that you don't do that will haunt you the most. Its the what if's and could-have-beens. And all you can do is continue to build it up in your mind as some kind of holy grail that would change everything if you could just possess it. Theres no...
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