Four weeks since I bid my lover of 5 years good bye. Two weeks since I stop looking at hardcore porn and have been abstaining from masturbation. And this last week has been a challenge. Being present with my loneliness has been anything besides easy. I've become aware of how my desires to watch porn flix is a reaction to my intense emotions of loneliness, sadness, frustration and anger. Flog the bishop is really just a game of suppression from dealing with whats going on inside of me.
Now it's just a matter of sorting out my feelings. Cause if I'm really just horny as hell, then that's great! But still so close to losing my lover and getting adjusted to solo life. I think there's more for me to learn, more hurtles before I get to my core...
And then I'm like fuck it all, I need a fucking booty call... Sigh... Starting to look around again, but it's amazing how I feel the need to find something familiar... Wait! why the fuck am I trying to contact old EXs. Or talk some girl I work with out on a date. I like to avoid drama, but when I start thinking like that... Holy shit, somebody slap me.
Ok one more thing to vent. I've applied to a few groups and I still remain pending... one of the groups was the masturbation group and I was really looking forward to checking that one out, seeing if there's any threads I could relate to.
Ok, time to be productive, have a great day all.
Now it's just a matter of sorting out my feelings. Cause if I'm really just horny as hell, then that's great! But still so close to losing my lover and getting adjusted to solo life. I think there's more for me to learn, more hurtles before I get to my core...
And then I'm like fuck it all, I need a fucking booty call... Sigh... Starting to look around again, but it's amazing how I feel the need to find something familiar... Wait! why the fuck am I trying to contact old EXs. Or talk some girl I work with out on a date. I like to avoid drama, but when I start thinking like that... Holy shit, somebody slap me.
Ok one more thing to vent. I've applied to a few groups and I still remain pending... one of the groups was the masturbation group and I was really looking forward to checking that one out, seeing if there's any threads I could relate to.
Ok, time to be productive, have a great day all.