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So i'm not doing the best again. Surprise, surprise eh. So i'm using my blog as the dumping ground for everything that's been happening. I found out this morning that i've lost 15% of my body weight in the past year and a half. Corresponds to a 6 inch reduction in my waist size. I suppose it's a good thing. But to be honest, it...
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scientistofsleep:
i dont think you should stew,let them all out!! fuck it, its your blog, if you want to write how you feel them you're following the instructions perfectly.
i know what you mean about people "utterly enjoying their carfree 20's!", im jealous of these people. closest i got was in college (cos i discovered drink) but even then i took on as much responsibilty as possible so my wee head would cave in. you shouldnt worry so much about not living your life how other people seem to live theres (maybe you dont, that just the impression i get), but insead live it how you want to live it. so far you seem to be making pretty good steps to this. even if you dont know what it is exactly that you want, knowing what you dont want is also a big help.
as for close personal relationships, i cant tell you anything, i fell head first into one when i least expected, or wanted, to. from what i hear that's not unusual.
smile
scarringthewound:
I think a lot of people use sex as a vent for their pent up emotions but in a way it's just like self-harm, it doesn't break the cycle, it just perpetuates it. Besides, this is the wrong reason to have sex. Everyone is made up of different components and not everyone's composite ages are gonna correlate to their physical age, we all mature in different ways at different rates. The topic about where emotion goes if it has no outlet is a complicated one, too complicated to mention here. My friend from my last college was 19 when she got married (to an 18yr old) but I liked her even though her fiancee was the second thing she mentioned to me...ugh.... I console myself by thinking of all the opportunities they've missed out on by doing such a thing. I always wonder what the point is to making any effort whatsoever to my appearance when I step out the door and the only reason to step out of the door currently is to get my arse off to uni, given that a) no one there's gonna pay me any compliment b) there's no one I'm trying to impress there and c) why should I even both washing or wearing anything cool, I haven't washed for the last 4 weeks and really don't want to either, I'm not even itchy, it's weird.

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For some reason lately i haven't been eating very well. I can't find anything to eat during the day. When my blood sugar gets low i start to spiral lower and lower. The meds are working this time. They're fucking working. Sometimes. It's very hard to explain. Sometimes i'm positive it's working, but other times i'm not. I've found my voice in some ways. I've...
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lamujerinvisible:
"I've been screwed over because of my morals a lot, but i won't change them because i'm incredibly stubborn" I think we'll get on very well sir.

Your honesty is very refreshing! wink
scarringthewound:
Whoopeeeee the mighty Sir Wild is coming to London!

*bounces*

*bounces, skips and headbangs simultaneously*
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hmmm. well i was right. after the new year celebratory two day extravaganza i slept like a log. and i woke up different again. not good different. is it possible to become addicted to not sleeping? i don't know maybe an imbalance of ceratonin or something caused by not sleeping? i'm not actually asking, i'm more just generally thinking out loud... i don't know if...
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scarringthewound:
So I see your blog is getting the solar/lunar treatment as well! I love the idea of your daily photo diary thing. They always tend to be interesting when you line up the photos all together, can be really candid, express more than words possibly can. I hope you keep it up. Well I guess even the off days when you can't bear to do a self-portrait would say so much through the very absence. And you do have a story to tell- your life. Don't ever thing for one minute that other people's lives are more wild than the great Sir Wild himself! Divulging the uproarious internal goings-on can be just as wild as boasting about random physical encounters. We all need a space in which we can be ourselves... these things can't be bottled up without eventually exploding. And stand proud of your atheism. I'd rather people were atheists than blindly believe in things they have had no personal experience of.

Ta for digging up He-man from my memory bank! Skeletor, now he would make a nice date me thinks.
missshell:
when the auto.b is ready for publishing, i will do the cover art.
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I just have to say, before sleep grabs my good mood away from me, that this has been the best new years eve/day that i can recall. I celebrated my new year talking to one of my best friends and with all the brilliant people in chat. I know that it's only a digital medium but it's become a big deal to me. I had...
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missshell:
glad you had a good new years beard <3
horror_head:
I'm happy for you. smile Happy day-after New Year's!
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Now, just for shits and giggles, i've put a mini blog at the start for people who couldn't be arsed reading the rest, haha tongue I want to wish everyone New Year Greetings. Everyone on this site who has attributed to my recent change in lifestyle. And everyone else too. I hope this next one brings you the best of everything. And i want to thank...
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ryu:
Thank you for sharing your journey here, it was good to read.... I'm happy to hear that SG has helped you the way it has. I am very interested to know where your letter writing journey will take you.

My doggie is now cone free and very happy about it, and apart from a pretty epic scar seems as good as new (the other doggies at the park must think she's well 'ard).

Wishing you all the best that 2010 can bring!
angad19:
A question... hmm.

I could go with the classic: what-are-your-penis-dimensions or what-is-your-wildest-sex-fantasy question, but I shan't bore you with such banalities.

Instead... what is your favourite flavour of gummy bears and why? What was the first video game you fell in love with? On a scale of 1-10, how's life after the changes?
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I'm not feeling Christmas at all this year. I only realised it was the 23rd yesterday. And what that means. I've finished all my shopping, but i'm not even really sure what i bought people. Drawing a blank. I know i got Robocop and Rambo for my brother, but i can't recall anything else. I've decided to try and address some huge issues in my...
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scarringthewound:
(I <3 your thought sheet)

That is what I meant to say.
horror_head:
It was a misunderstanding having to do with money, my second biggest expenditure of the year.

Now it's cleared-up, but for a sec., I thought "OOOOHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!"
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Today has been such a long day. Such a long, long, difficult day. I visited a new doctor. A good one. And he changed my meds. He agreed that they were doing more harm than good. He agreed that my first doctor was very irresponsible. And he listened. I'm going back in a month to check the meds. Monitor their progress, like what should have...
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angad19:
Hang in the buddy. Hang in there.
doobs:
all I can say is i am grateful that your new doctor seems to have more knowledge and wisdom then your last one and I hope these pills work out for you, keep your head up and never forget to smile bro, much love biggrin
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i snapped for the last time last night. luckily i was in bed, so i couldn't do anything. it came too close this time though. this isn't working. have to see the doctor. these meds are making it worse. i'll add more later if anything happens
jackwolfe:
Fight the good fight, my friend.
scientistofsleep:
.x.
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alright. even though i said no blogs for a while, i've changed my fuckin mind. i'm not sad anymore. i'm just fuckin angry. i'm just pissed off in general and i thought i'd take it out on myself earlier. i need to sort my shit out but i'll still be on here. not as much, but this site's too big a deal to abandon entirely....
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gfys:
Take a deep breath and try to pick yourself up. Hugs and Kisses
scientistofsleep:
in the words of Mr Rotten, 'anger is an energy', maybe if you can channel it (how new-age does that sound?!) into something productive you'll bring yourself out of it.x.
hope you feel better either way.x.
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Unless things drastically change, this is going to be my last blog for a while. A long while. Hope to be back soon. At some stage. I'll probably miss going into Chat.

I don't know what else to do other than type. I'm just sad. Very sad. I'm so damn lonely. It's not fair. I just keep wishing that every time i go to sleep...
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pinkie_:
I've been trying to hail you on comms (msn). <2
scarringthewound:
HUGS!
frown
Gawd, e-hugs are shite.
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Sometimes do you ever just want to sleep. Sleep for a long time. And not wake up. Forget about everything you have and know and just stop for a while. Shut your brain down and just not think about anything. Just for a little while. Just a break from the sound of my own voice. Not to worry about anything for just a little while....
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schweitz:
i think about this all the time...
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I am so fucking angry right now. For the first time in a long while i really wish i could kill someone. Not just anyone, someone in particular. I haven't felt like this since i was 16, and my second surgery went awry, but at least i still know that it's in there somewhere. You know the type of deep-seated, pure anger that sometimes grips...
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mrbubblewarp:
After all the epic blogs you've written and you think this short one we'd stop halfway? the fog will pass and so will the anger. keep your dreams in your heart and you will reach them.
angad19:
Best of luck buddy. You know i'm always here if you need anything.