sorrowsjoy

I am here and still alive--Thank you all for all your kindness and love--You make my days more bearable--I will post more soon and I apologize for my neglect and will visit all of you soon as well...And just because here's something I just wrote...




Defy or Die

As I stand amongst the carnage of the demons who hunt me still
I can take solace...
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I apologize for not updating for so long Things have been nuts around the house and our landlord just pulled a doozy on us--He now wants to sell the house so we have been running around getting everything cleaned up because until we can find a new house we have to allow potential buyers into OUR home to look around--This is really getting to me--With...
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Anthem To The Lost

Here in the night where the lights glow so bright
You can hear them whimpering,shadows moving just out of sight
You can hear them crying,childrens voices crying in fright
Every second like a light bulb that burns out and dies

They were lost,they once had a place
They are lost,once having a familiar face
In innocence they were claimed
In death...
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Did you know our names have power?
The path to our souls,our own internal empire
I know your name my faceless monster
And when I write it down I shall tear it up and throw it into the fire
And in your mind I will evoke the terrors you inflicted onto all your victims,I will encase you into the darkest tomb
Because what you hurt...
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God I can't find the words anymore
They flew from the cuckoo's nest that is my brain
Racing to depart from the cages when I opened the doors
To the madness,sadness,and grief that inevitably came
Crying to be heard,a cacaphony of overwhelming noise

So my words aren't polished nor impart great wisdom
But they are mine, and raw,screaming to be formed
Into recognizable shapes,and perhaps...
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Ohhh man I am having one of those days and another crack in my foundation has ripped into me like an earthquake--The saying is true--Those you love the most hurt you the most--And to top off evrything my Day Planner,which contained my credit cards,medical cards,my ID,and my Social Security card was stolen just about a week ago--I have been scrambling to cancel each card but...
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Can you fill the spaces stolen in my sleep
Oh please are you the light that washes warmly across my face
Are you the peace I have chased for so long?
Am I beautiful like the child I once was
My features reflecting flashes of innocence
And a lust for love

Oh please hold me in a cocoon of acceptance
Entangled hands clutched tightly because...
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Well I guess it's time for an update lol--Things are kinda hard right now--My sleep has gotten worse if that is even possible--I find myself up for 24-30 hours at a time before I crash into exhaustion--And my docs will not increase my sleep meds even though I have a disease that causes excruciating pain and fatigue--I'm just about ready to give up on them...
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It is 2 in the morning and here I sit a great sadness burning in my chest a melancholy mood here in this still night. I wonder at myself, 28 years of hiding from the eyes of life, my face etched with the lines and wear of time. The duality of hiding but aching for connection and love. Fighting tooth and nail to embrace all...
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Thank you evryone for the Happy B-day wishes---it really brightened my day--As far as updates go this won't be an enlightening one nor will I share another poem--I think I'm tapped out at the moment--And yes I finally got a pic up and thanks to Ray it looks pretty awsome--Muuuahhh to Ray for doing this--Anyways brother is finally home--YAY!!--He spent an entire month in the...
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No real update as normal--Just me on a sleepless night and here are the words I say to you..........


Here in my room so still,my thoughts tumble into the silence
An empty space needing to be filled
But with what, I have nothing left to give
Save what I have kept from you
--Rage--
--Rage--
What is that (I whisper)
Eyes gritty,dark and shadowed in...
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