It's funny, I was thinking "what is he talking about, this isn't THAT long of a blog" then I clicked the spolier.
All jokes aside though, I am sorry for what you are going through, but I appreciate your ability to reflect on it so thoroughly, and your willingness to share these reflections. It has really made me think.
I have to say that I was fascinated by this blog. It wasnt WHAT you were saying it was HOW you said it.
I often wish I could express myself this way. That I could actually SAY whats going on with me and inside me rather than speaking like a 12 year old. Its not that I am dumb...I know more about medicine than the average person and I havent been to med school yet..I just have trouble expressing my emotions and feelings.
I know that you dont need advice and I would never presume to tell anyone how to live or what to feel. I just read this and couldnt help but to think that you are already are ahead of the game on this one. You know how you feel and you know what you want.
and you can express that.
Thank you for posting this...
and yet, I am sorry for the fact that you would even have to.
Your blog is so eloquently written. I struggle to find the words to put to my emotions. I am sorry that you are feeling this way but on the other hand you seem to have a wonderful path ahead of you and I hope your journey is one of great excitement and adventure. Take care I'll light a candle for you, maybe it'll brighten your path.
Long-term couples tend to have waxing and waning sex lives. If the two are *fortunate* then they discover that after the initial stage of "let's fuck all the time" passes, they desire sex at similar frequencies. Many couples are not so fortunate. Just because she has less desire for sex than you do does not mean that she does reciprocate the emotional side of it! In fact, the fact that she's willing to participate even though her heart isn't always into it would attest to the fact that she really does have feelings for you.
Nonetheless, I can see how you'd feel a bit hurt and betrayed by her sentiment, and it's perfectly legitimate for you to feel that you want a long-term partner who has sex drive that more closely matches your own.
I think that speed-dating is silly, and probably superficial as well. I mean, WHY? All you get to know is what the person looks like and 5 minutes' worth of conversation. That is not nearly enough to determine much of anything. Sigh. The dating game sucks so much. I
Do you have AIM? It would be nice to talk to you on AIM sometime. You seem like such a fascinating person that I have some relevant things in common with. If not, maybe phone?
All jokes aside though, I am sorry for what you are going through, but I appreciate your ability to reflect on it so thoroughly, and your willingness to share these reflections. It has really made me think.