zechariah

I'm a jovial guy so I laugh and make jokes and always try to make others smile and laugh, but I think jovial and happy are very different monsters. I can't really remember one day that I was actually really happy. I don't like where my life is, or where it seems it's going. I'm usually not too fond of myself either. I know this isn't a healthy attitude but trust me, if I could find the answer my life would be a whole lot different. People always tell me that realizing there's a problem is the first step, then after that all you have to do is change things. Well if life were that easy we would have already found a cure for cancer and AID's wouldn't we. I don't know, I'm just whining I guess but it's how I feel so... I'll shut up now, I am just tired of so many things, and so many atitudes (happy new year, whats so happy about it?) Blah blah blah, I'm so full of shit.

I don't know where my problem stems from and I won't say it's because, my dad died and I never got to be a kid because lots of people have had loss, or that it's because I want a nice relationship and can't find one because I'm so shy, because (and this will sound harsh but) I know I'm not the most unattractive guy and I know alot of people alot worse looking than I who found people that they were attractive to, and I have some friends that are with people who are way too unattractive for them, (ok that sounds harsh but its true).
I think I know what my problem is, I whine too much and I am too shy and I am too lazy and I'm a quitter. and,and, and,...whatever....