xabluestarx

rejection seems to be the only thing attracted to me lately.
...
so what is it about me?
simply put, why am i not good enough? for these things people and situations that i want? or for a heads up or a reality check? a heartfelt talk of explanation?

my feelings are so stubborn i am lead by them more than i really care to admit. and i am spoiled and have grown used to getting my way. to having what it takes. or at least i usually know when to give up ship and start swimming to shore.

this inadequacy is uncomfortable and lonely. and SILENT. deadly silent.

and it's not just one thing. it's so many things. every freakin' thing i've had to deal with these last few months is what it seems like. every unpleasant situation follows this same basic draft.

but as i end my whiny post i'll leave you with this public service announcement: if you know you are not on the same page as someone else.. tell them. i'm speaking vaguely.. so however that might aply to you, take it as that. in other words: KEEP IT REAL.

peace and respect.

dear no one,
you hurt my fucking feelings by leading me on in ways you should not have. i wish you would just TALK about it with me. fucking fuckity fuck. i made it so easy for you. gave you so many chances to tell me what was up. why am i not worth the time? why am i not worth anything at all? why does looking into your eyes make my heart STOP?

why am i so weak?