Last night was our roller derby bout. I had no idea what to expect, but the reality exceeded all my expectations. we had over 800 in attendance, with lines wrapped around the building. an 80 year old man with an oxygen tank waited 2 hours to be first in line. the crowd was receptive and into the action of it all. people asked for autographs...kids watched us like we were heros.
most of the rollergirls were nervous when things were starting. i surprisingly felt calm the whole time. i had the normal set-up stress that comes with any public performance, but while skating, i felt no stress whatsoever. nothing went wrong, no one got hurt. we all played better than we ever have before...like we were drawing inspiration from the crowd. we were all sweating like fried monkeys. my daughters thought it was the coolest thing ever. i love that they will not see me as weak...when they are adults, they'll remember all the things mommy did with her time...that she tried to enjoy it.
my team, the denim demons, won one of our two games...so i was happy. it was a close competition all night. i'm very glad i stuck with this. the accomplishment is a huge high...and i have a much better body image than i ever have in my life. i'm amazed by the things my body can do...in conjunction with my mind. before last night, rollerderby was just a bunch of grueling practices. it was a hobby...getting together with friends and enjoying the action. last night made it real. we're sharing our passion for roller derby with the world. i run into people i don't know, who know who i am through roller derby. i understand now how other leagues can get warped by the publicity and stardom of it all. i have faith that our league will keep it real when this gets huge. it will be interesting to see where this leads. in a city like atlanta, it could go anywhere.
on a sad note, this weekend, my grandmother had a heart attack and stroke. the emt had to break down her door because she was unresponsive. the part of her brain that allows her to verbalise her thoughts is dead. when she talks, nothing but gibberish comes out. but she is able to write her thoughts coherently. i regret that i didn't call her this week...and hear her for the last time. i knew something was going to happen when she announced she was putting her house up for sell, and giving away her stuff. for the past year, she's been getting rid of things she used to be emotionally attatched to, like family photos and heirlooms. i'm in the same place i was as a kidwhen people died, and i couldn't cry...i feel weird for not feeling death the same as other people do. this doesn't sadden me like people say it should. i feel nothing, actually. the process doesn't come as a surprise to me.
tonight i go on an adventure of the mind and body. hopefully it won't give me flashbacks, but instead help me grow...or at least come to terms with a few things bound to my idea of sex. or maybe, it will just be a good time had by all.
more to follow...as usual...the thoughts are neverending, eternal, and sometimes droning.
o, yea, did i mention, every muscle in my body hurts?
most of the rollergirls were nervous when things were starting. i surprisingly felt calm the whole time. i had the normal set-up stress that comes with any public performance, but while skating, i felt no stress whatsoever. nothing went wrong, no one got hurt. we all played better than we ever have before...like we were drawing inspiration from the crowd. we were all sweating like fried monkeys. my daughters thought it was the coolest thing ever. i love that they will not see me as weak...when they are adults, they'll remember all the things mommy did with her time...that she tried to enjoy it.
my team, the denim demons, won one of our two games...so i was happy. it was a close competition all night. i'm very glad i stuck with this. the accomplishment is a huge high...and i have a much better body image than i ever have in my life. i'm amazed by the things my body can do...in conjunction with my mind. before last night, rollerderby was just a bunch of grueling practices. it was a hobby...getting together with friends and enjoying the action. last night made it real. we're sharing our passion for roller derby with the world. i run into people i don't know, who know who i am through roller derby. i understand now how other leagues can get warped by the publicity and stardom of it all. i have faith that our league will keep it real when this gets huge. it will be interesting to see where this leads. in a city like atlanta, it could go anywhere.
on a sad note, this weekend, my grandmother had a heart attack and stroke. the emt had to break down her door because she was unresponsive. the part of her brain that allows her to verbalise her thoughts is dead. when she talks, nothing but gibberish comes out. but she is able to write her thoughts coherently. i regret that i didn't call her this week...and hear her for the last time. i knew something was going to happen when she announced she was putting her house up for sell, and giving away her stuff. for the past year, she's been getting rid of things she used to be emotionally attatched to, like family photos and heirlooms. i'm in the same place i was as a kidwhen people died, and i couldn't cry...i feel weird for not feeling death the same as other people do. this doesn't sadden me like people say it should. i feel nothing, actually. the process doesn't come as a surprise to me.
tonight i go on an adventure of the mind and body. hopefully it won't give me flashbacks, but instead help me grow...or at least come to terms with a few things bound to my idea of sex. or maybe, it will just be a good time had by all.
more to follow...as usual...the thoughts are neverending, eternal, and sometimes droning.
o, yea, did i mention, every muscle in my body hurts?
I think of death all the time but not in a morbid wishing kind of way. I think of it in a realistic wondering way. The curiosity of what happens fascinates me. I don't want to die anytime soon but when old people go I feel like they've lived their life and are priviledged to move on....hmm. I guess that is morbid to some...