memoria has, as much as I can remember, been a big factor in my life and how I live it ( Life is about Living, as I've said before and will likely say until I die )
an amusing factor, I must add, since as some of you know, my memory is shattered and in some cases completely gone due to multiple instances of head damage - in particular a car accident in '96 that I'm still memoria-ly recovering from ( and may never in full? )
recently people from my past have reconnected with me online... people I only have the vaguest recollection of, mostly via my own writings, since nigh any memory prior to turning 15 is... gone - or so vague to be questionable if truly memoria.
I know I can trust my own writings, as every time a memory returns ( painfully so :( ) or someone I trust recalls it, it meshes with my writings.
not that my past was wonderful - it wasn't - but that's a time I no longer live in anyways
thinking about it, since I see most of my still-living friends maybe once a decade or so, my entire social circle ( outside of at work ) is pretty much in the past
I've had people try and tell me that if you don't see a friend at least once a year (or less), they're not really friends...
but my friends - as well as myself - cry bullshit to that
there've been people I hadn't seen in 20yrs that I was able to slip right into conversations and enjoy the time as if barely a day had passed
aye, there's the honest truth I may not see them again for another 20, if ever, but still... some friendships never fade
there are friends I consider family - such as my sister Danielle in Vegas, not the least bit of shared blood between us but she will always be a sister to me
those are the people that matter, one's true family, the ones you know and can trust and would die for - even if you're not physically near for decades
where even the harshest of memoria grant a warmth that could light up a room :)
and, yes, haunted by memoria I often am ( the aforementioned not-so-wonderful past experiences )
I do my best to keep myself distracted - I've found that without distraction I'll find myself ranting to the empty room, synapses misfiring, rambling, gesturing at walls...
if I catch it right and write it down, it leads to intriguing poetica... but that's NOT a goal in the least!
when they come in dreams I can wake up emotionally spent - whether the emotion is anger or pain or tears or some combination thereof doesn't matter
so I dislike memoria dreams with a passion... so seldom are they good ones, and often moments from past relationships ( what few I've had, most were not pleasant times spent )
returning memoria still hurts like a bitch, too... thankfully it's seldom now that memories will return - but it has happened
one never knows what will trigger a memory - all I know is if they were a damaged-lost memory, it's gonna hurt nigh as bad as my cracked skull already does in cold weather... if not moreso
and since I hate taking meds as it is, let alone for stupid-ass shit like an excrutiating headache, I just deal with it
but I'm sure I've said all this before... be it in bits-and-pieces or prior memoria postings of this kind
kinda like reading my own poetica - oddly I never remember a single poem I write, recent or old, and it's always interesting to try and figure out what was going through my head
( I used to ponder that even though I signed it and it was in my writing, are they truly my works since I ne'er remember them? )
ANYways... come tomorrow AM it's another weekend with my beautiful spawnlings and I'd best get SOME kind of rest if I want to survive their wonderful chaos
which is always so perfectly worth it :)
until next posting, lovelies and gentlefolk!
random twits :
12/6 :
now I KNOW the Religious Reich neighbour is fucking with me when they knock on my door at 11p wondering if I'm going to church tomorrow >:(
12/8 :
when actions involve violence, destruction of property, looting, or preventing citizens from daily activities, it's no longer 'protesting'
12/8 II :
when the day's weather starts with "it's a beautiful day and may almost reach freezing" I am NOT impressed... *shivers* only 6 more months
12/11 :
dream I: Guest Of Honour at a mansion party with the Suicide Girls, including a "quiz" which some of the 'Girls gave me the answers to...
dream II: on a private ocean beach behind the White House, covered in creative sand sculptures, hanging out w/ George W. wanting me to swim
12/12 :
attn: ill educated bastards - 'faggot' is spelled with 2 g's, 'bigot' is spelled with 1... and yes you are the latter for hating the former
via netflix/hulu:
Arrow (3rd Season)
Nightbreed (The Director's Cut)
Space Station 76
Edge Of Tomorrow
Grimm (4th Season)
Constantine (1st Season)
Agents Of SHIELD (2nd Season)
Virgin Territory
The Flash (1st Season)
ownedflix:
Yellowbrickroad
2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams
Wilder Napalm
Demonic Toys
The Time Machine [H.G. Wells'] (1960)
Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath Of The Dragon God
The Prophecy
Guardians Of The Galaxy
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose
( y'just now figured out that I'm basically a non-practicing hedonist? "if it feels good, do it, if it feels bad, you're doing it wrong" )
( "I believe in the proven power of willpower and the truth we are the gods we created. No one being created this universe and its wonders." )
( "I live not for tomorrow nor yesterday, but for the day in which I dwell - today. Today is who I am, I know not who I'll be tomorrow, nor am I who I once was. Aspects of yesterday may remain into tomorrow, but I'm never completely the same, for each day I live, I learn and this knowledge changes me, rebuilds part of me, and I am anew." )
( "may the platelets of justice travel the bloodstream of villainy, clog its arteries with honourable vengeance, and induce a coronary of truth" )
( "we are all inmates in the same asylum, some of us are just better at bribing the guards" / *breathe ... relax ... kill ... rinse ... repeat* )
( "Who do I think I am? thom Wolfox sR Rhose, official slaveboy, SchmooGod of the MidWest, and RedKnight of Pattern - amongst other names, why?" )
( "In a previous life I was the engine block to a '56 chevy, I lost my heart to a Volkswagen Bus... er, wait - or was that a '57?" )
( "I may not be the brightest orange in this bag o'donuts, but I know vasoline when I smell it!" / "Godfuck Me, Jesus!" )
"Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave..."
"Oh, man. I'm sensing something very canadian about this place..."
"It's all true, god's an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live..."
Jax : "yay for you, do you want a cookie or a bozo button?"