whodovoodoowedo

Ahhh what to say what to say. well this past month has been eventfull. working 50-60 hours a week and then getting the phone call that destroys all good things going on. My Grandmother has passed, the one who took care of me the first 6 years of my life cause my mom was too busy drinking and going to bars trying to figure out how she was going to raise me and my sister. all the time it was my Grandma that took care of us. Things are good though cause she was suffering from emphezima and is now free from any suffering and in a much better place im sure, So here i am now back to working 10-12 hour days and am waiting for the day i hit that brick wall of reality that she is gone. being the person that i am i realize what has happened and realize it is true but have not given myself the chance to let that reality sink in. the three days i took off of work to go home and be with family was great and it was filled with good memories, but still not the reality of how this will truly affect me. I've been and still am too busy with work to let this sink in and i feel it will be many more months before i hit that big ass wall that is just waiting for that moment when it will do the most damage. but such is life and on goes mine, so its another speed bump in my life ment to slow me down, not realizing that it is a smoother ride for me to hual ass over it, then in the end it all catches up and im forced to deal with all those speed bumps thats caused all sorts of little damage at once. causing a total break down, but the question is when, where and how. Or will it happen at all? will i deal with it little by little and not really suffer much pain. hopefully all that has ever caused me pain has been dealt with in a slow steady manner and it is not quietly building up for one giant explosive end.