I am new to this blogging thing, but I am starting a blog for my adventures in the mountains, in the city, keeping track of drinks and bars I like, what my friends and I do, who I meet, etc through my google+ account, so I figure here is as safe a place as any where people won't judge me and I can write some of the things I don't want to put on a more public blog.
So here goes, I will start with an intro. My name is Daniel, I live in Seattle. I am a fifth year undergrad in mechanical engineering at UW and am applying for grad school for next fall. I am also applying to take the engineer in training exam. My first thoughts on these applications are that they are expensive and its intimidating. I always do well on applications and usually fairly well on exams because I know it is what I want to do, so I try hard and I usually put a ton of time into it. I guess that proves to myself that the effort I put in does benefit me. That being said, I am still basically shitting my pants. It makes no sense, because if I get declined, I already have a good job lined up for when I graduate and a plan for coming back to school a little later.
Alright, so that is basically what I currently have on my plate. Beyond that, I am working as a design engineer part time for a local branch of a much larger group and I am having a blast. I like working with the people there, it is very challenging, but there are times when I hate it. Like today, I had nothing to do and my bosses for some reason don't have work for me right now. I feel guilty on days like today because I am not really helping the company at all, but if they don't have a project I can work on, I guess I can take advantage of it to manage email and the rest of my daily tasks. At least that's what I tell myself. I also work as a TA on campus at UW and I have been doing it for three years now. I love teaching. My plan for life right now is to graduate, get a masters, work in industry for a year, get a PhD and then go back to industry until I am ready to move on. Then I want to come back to a state university and be a professor and do some crazy research. I am fortunate that I am able to do all of this because of my parents and also because of the professors and administrators at my school. They all help me every day to figure out how I can get funding, how I can better my applications, how I can apply the things I learn and most importantly how to be responsible (I still have trouble getting to 8 am class though...).
SPOILER: The rest of this blog is personal and me being a bit of a sad sack. Don't say I didn't warn you. Next time will be more fun.
Next, on a more private level, my girlfriend and I just broke up two weeks ago yesterday. I initiated it, but as soon as I said something, I could tell that she was relieved and so I was. We had been together for a year and three months, but it just wasn't working. I told her 'I love you' on New Years Eve, drunkenly, and I regretted it the next morning. Not because I didn't mean it, but because I realized I meant it in a different way than I originally intended. I love her in the way you love a sister or a really close friend. Unfortunately being together for that long (first time in my life going past six months, ugh) it is impossible to separate everything out easily. So now, we are just playing things by ear, figuring out who has whose cloths and who the xbox belongs to etc. Unfortunately, as I said, it is really tough for me to separate from her. I don't really want to talk to my friends about it more than I already do, it doesn't make sense for me to just be sad and pathetic around them, even if they would understand. That being said, I have really good friends that are more than happen to listen and commiserate and give advice because they know I would do the same, I just don't want to be that guy right now. I could write it in a journal, which I have done some of, however I find myself in front of my computer more often than not and I am willing to bet that very few, if any, people will read this anytime soon, so I feel pretty safe emptying some words here.
Alright, so a little venting is in order and then this first blog will be out of the way. At the end of my relationship with, I will call her Aisha since I have been watching Archer again lately, Aisha, we were more like friends with benefits than a couple. I would go over to her place or she would come over to my place and we would watch some tv or a movie or whatever, have dinner and then have sex and go to bed. Or maybe that is couple stuff sometimes, but the problem was that we never talked. It was like we just weren't into the same things anymore or didn't take as much of an interest in each others lives anymore. I guess that was the first indication to me that it was time to end things. The more I thought about our relationship over the last year and a few months, the more I realized that it never really worked smoothly. We were constantly bickering over little things, to the point my friends said something and we made them uncomfortable sometimes. She wasn't ever as....sweet I guess... as I would have liked. Not to say that she wasn't great at times, but she just didn't hold anything back. Like if I was dancing around like a fool, instead of laughing and being happy that I was having fun, she would shut me down by saying something to the effect of "Oh honey, no. Just don't" or something similarly frosted, but just as...cruel?... I will go with that. Also, we never could drink together. It ALWAYS ended in an argument which was terrible. I am not a confrontational person, I hate yelling and I don't like to do it, but somehow it always happened when we drank around each other. Maybe because I didn't yell when I was sober and I let it out when I was drunk or something, but it was not good for me. Also on the bad list was the sex, the first problem was that she just wasn't that into it, for several reasons that I won't discuss, but lets just say that it wasn't from lack of effort on my part, more an unfortunate deficiency in her wiring that she's never overcome during 'the deed'. Ok, that was pretty much spelling it out without being explicit, but whatever. So I can't even begin to explain how miserable it is to be aroused and attracted to a beautiful girl that you have an intimate bond with and have been together with for a long time and have her just not be that into it or me. Its fucking awful. I would go to kiss her and I would get this half hearted response or I would go to kiss her neck and try to be erotic and I would get the feeling that she just wanted me to get it over with quickly since she was doing it for my benefit. Fucking terrible. I am a very sensitive/sensual/handsy/loving/romantic/whatever other name you have for it person and, to me, sex is a big way of communicating and having a relationship. I kind of always assumed that everyone else felt similar, but I have learned over the last few years that it is not necessarily the case. Don't get me wrong though, I am a fan of talking and having breakfast and just hanging out with the person you care for, I am a huge fan of it. But if we are not compatible on a sexual level, it just makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Like there is a deficiency in my personality or my effort or just me. Again, this is a terrible feeling. Alright, enough of me being venting/complaining/being the saddest bear in the forest.
So on a brighter note, the good things from this last relationship are numerous. She taught me patience, she taught me self control, she taught me how to really stand up for myself and how to defuse a situation that was getting out of control. She encouraged me to be what I wanted to be, what I was and what I am now. She is five years older than me and at least a year or two more mature than I am, but she prepared me a lot for being an adult and having real big boy responsibilities. For that, I will always be grateful to Aisha. She was wonderful and for a time I thought that she could be the one, but I finally realized that neither of us should have to change or compromise and that was what would've had to happen for us to stay together. Now, it is just a matter of time to heal and let go, fortunately, we both have our friends to help us.
So, thank you for everything, you will always have a place in my heart. Ok guys and girls! If you made it all the way through that mess, congratulations, you now know a lot more about me that most people I have known for years! I promise my next post will have something fun and exciting. And not be quite so long
Thanks for reading, I am going to finish grading papers now.
Cheers,
The Whitest Guy You Know
So here goes, I will start with an intro. My name is Daniel, I live in Seattle. I am a fifth year undergrad in mechanical engineering at UW and am applying for grad school for next fall. I am also applying to take the engineer in training exam. My first thoughts on these applications are that they are expensive and its intimidating. I always do well on applications and usually fairly well on exams because I know it is what I want to do, so I try hard and I usually put a ton of time into it. I guess that proves to myself that the effort I put in does benefit me. That being said, I am still basically shitting my pants. It makes no sense, because if I get declined, I already have a good job lined up for when I graduate and a plan for coming back to school a little later.
Alright, so that is basically what I currently have on my plate. Beyond that, I am working as a design engineer part time for a local branch of a much larger group and I am having a blast. I like working with the people there, it is very challenging, but there are times when I hate it. Like today, I had nothing to do and my bosses for some reason don't have work for me right now. I feel guilty on days like today because I am not really helping the company at all, but if they don't have a project I can work on, I guess I can take advantage of it to manage email and the rest of my daily tasks. At least that's what I tell myself. I also work as a TA on campus at UW and I have been doing it for three years now. I love teaching. My plan for life right now is to graduate, get a masters, work in industry for a year, get a PhD and then go back to industry until I am ready to move on. Then I want to come back to a state university and be a professor and do some crazy research. I am fortunate that I am able to do all of this because of my parents and also because of the professors and administrators at my school. They all help me every day to figure out how I can get funding, how I can better my applications, how I can apply the things I learn and most importantly how to be responsible (I still have trouble getting to 8 am class though...).
SPOILER: The rest of this blog is personal and me being a bit of a sad sack. Don't say I didn't warn you. Next time will be more fun.
Next, on a more private level, my girlfriend and I just broke up two weeks ago yesterday. I initiated it, but as soon as I said something, I could tell that she was relieved and so I was. We had been together for a year and three months, but it just wasn't working. I told her 'I love you' on New Years Eve, drunkenly, and I regretted it the next morning. Not because I didn't mean it, but because I realized I meant it in a different way than I originally intended. I love her in the way you love a sister or a really close friend. Unfortunately being together for that long (first time in my life going past six months, ugh) it is impossible to separate everything out easily. So now, we are just playing things by ear, figuring out who has whose cloths and who the xbox belongs to etc. Unfortunately, as I said, it is really tough for me to separate from her. I don't really want to talk to my friends about it more than I already do, it doesn't make sense for me to just be sad and pathetic around them, even if they would understand. That being said, I have really good friends that are more than happen to listen and commiserate and give advice because they know I would do the same, I just don't want to be that guy right now. I could write it in a journal, which I have done some of, however I find myself in front of my computer more often than not and I am willing to bet that very few, if any, people will read this anytime soon, so I feel pretty safe emptying some words here.
Alright, so a little venting is in order and then this first blog will be out of the way. At the end of my relationship with, I will call her Aisha since I have been watching Archer again lately, Aisha, we were more like friends with benefits than a couple. I would go over to her place or she would come over to my place and we would watch some tv or a movie or whatever, have dinner and then have sex and go to bed. Or maybe that is couple stuff sometimes, but the problem was that we never talked. It was like we just weren't into the same things anymore or didn't take as much of an interest in each others lives anymore. I guess that was the first indication to me that it was time to end things. The more I thought about our relationship over the last year and a few months, the more I realized that it never really worked smoothly. We were constantly bickering over little things, to the point my friends said something and we made them uncomfortable sometimes. She wasn't ever as....sweet I guess... as I would have liked. Not to say that she wasn't great at times, but she just didn't hold anything back. Like if I was dancing around like a fool, instead of laughing and being happy that I was having fun, she would shut me down by saying something to the effect of "Oh honey, no. Just don't" or something similarly frosted, but just as...cruel?... I will go with that. Also, we never could drink together. It ALWAYS ended in an argument which was terrible. I am not a confrontational person, I hate yelling and I don't like to do it, but somehow it always happened when we drank around each other. Maybe because I didn't yell when I was sober and I let it out when I was drunk or something, but it was not good for me. Also on the bad list was the sex, the first problem was that she just wasn't that into it, for several reasons that I won't discuss, but lets just say that it wasn't from lack of effort on my part, more an unfortunate deficiency in her wiring that she's never overcome during 'the deed'. Ok, that was pretty much spelling it out without being explicit, but whatever. So I can't even begin to explain how miserable it is to be aroused and attracted to a beautiful girl that you have an intimate bond with and have been together with for a long time and have her just not be that into it or me. Its fucking awful. I would go to kiss her and I would get this half hearted response or I would go to kiss her neck and try to be erotic and I would get the feeling that she just wanted me to get it over with quickly since she was doing it for my benefit. Fucking terrible. I am a very sensitive/sensual/handsy/loving/romantic/whatever other name you have for it person and, to me, sex is a big way of communicating and having a relationship. I kind of always assumed that everyone else felt similar, but I have learned over the last few years that it is not necessarily the case. Don't get me wrong though, I am a fan of talking and having breakfast and just hanging out with the person you care for, I am a huge fan of it. But if we are not compatible on a sexual level, it just makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Like there is a deficiency in my personality or my effort or just me. Again, this is a terrible feeling. Alright, enough of me being venting/complaining/being the saddest bear in the forest.
So on a brighter note, the good things from this last relationship are numerous. She taught me patience, she taught me self control, she taught me how to really stand up for myself and how to defuse a situation that was getting out of control. She encouraged me to be what I wanted to be, what I was and what I am now. She is five years older than me and at least a year or two more mature than I am, but she prepared me a lot for being an adult and having real big boy responsibilities. For that, I will always be grateful to Aisha. She was wonderful and for a time I thought that she could be the one, but I finally realized that neither of us should have to change or compromise and that was what would've had to happen for us to stay together. Now, it is just a matter of time to heal and let go, fortunately, we both have our friends to help us.
So, thank you for everything, you will always have a place in my heart. Ok guys and girls! If you made it all the way through that mess, congratulations, you now know a lot more about me that most people I have known for years! I promise my next post will have something fun and exciting. And not be quite so long
Thanks for reading, I am going to finish grading papers now.
Cheers,
The Whitest Guy You Know