Secondly, yeah, sadness can come over you just like t (abbreviated form of "that"). That is more or less exactly what happened to me at the PHP on Saturday. I was feeling fine, talking to partygoers, getting a VA Gentleman buzz on... then all the sudden, I went from listening to Sinjun and EvanX discussing finer points of Grand Theft Auto (while not being a gamer, it was genuinely funn to hear about) to just.... feeling completely out of place. I went downstairs to sorta see if someone I knew was about (they seemed busy)... then went down to the basement by myself. After 10 seconds, I said, "This is fucking ridiculous," and said goodbye to Lex (I didn't even manage a goodbye to Tryst, one of my best friends), and left.
But enough about my b.s.; what you had sounds scarier and I wish I could say I knew what to say. I don't.
goodness, my dear ~ that is quite an episode. most importantly, are you ok now? sending you peace. and maybe you were just full up on sad, and it had do come out. do you feel better now? catharsis maybe?
and dwight conquergood is one of the great academics, and most significantly, HUMANITARIANS of all time. he was a leader in the field of social justice through theory and praxis including living in a Hmong refugee camp for several years to work on public health issues and mediate their culture with the other ngo's "helping" them, moving into one of the poorest neighborhoods in Chicago to do an ethnography of the residents in order to keep the city planners from flattening their lives into condos, and getting political while there, starting all kinds of performance opportunities for inner city youth, and on and on.
this is the tiniest taste of this brilliant, amazing man:
dwight
More and more of us are going through this. It just means you are one of us. You don't understand and you might not for a while, but as long as you stay alive one day your purpose will be revealed to you.
Sometimes standing next to the salt of the earth can be like
smelling chicken asses in a hamster cage. Work on your gag reflex and teach yourself to projectile vomit.
Have you tried meditation and yoga? I'm only beginning to practice yoga and I'm pissed I didn't start years ago.
I wouldn't worry until your boxer starts giving you advice.
Ah Samurai - we know the crazy well around these parts - some days it is more a matter of misitnerpreting the "sane" (if such beings exist). It sounds to me like a panic attack. Certainly manageable and nothing to fret about - just a surreal blip in the day...I used to suffer from them so they increased my migraine meds which seemed to quell the nonsense. Talk to a doctor you can TRUST (i reitertate - if such a being exists) or schedule a visit to these parts for some good ole' R&R.
Swing Out Sister are co-headlining with a reformed The Moon Lays Hidden Beneath A Cloud. On the second stage, Total Cuelo and Rapoon are covering songs by Speculum Fight and Rick Astley. Also, Danny from Northside Kings is playing the "Glenn Danzig bongo" in Glass Tiger's mambo side project.
Brooklyn Bounce has to be the funniest "band" name evar, mostly because it's a German house music production team, and the first singer was scarier than the Type O singer guy.
So I rested for a time alternating between reading a WIRE UK mag and fighting my boxer puppy with a can of Black Flag and a roman trident. Like Spartacus sharp. Call PETA if you want. The heathen mutt can take a million tridents swung by a million enslaved Moors and still come back for dessert.
that made me smile. So while you may be crazy, you most certainly have not lost your ability to write.
seriously though, I went through periods during my clinical depression where crying came outta nowhere like that. Is it possible maybe what you describe might have been a panic attack? I've never had those, but I did have crying for no reason. Oh, and waking up in tears. Yeah, that was fun. It goes on, but I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say I went through about 5 mental health professionals before finding someone I could talk to. This was after I took Effexor for a little bit because I was considering offing myself. I weaned myself from Effexor. I think it may have been helpful during the worst of it. I'm not sure on that one. I am sure that my therapist saved my life. I'm also sure that working out, starting regular exercise, helped balance my outta whack chemistry a little. So perhaps you just need to continue on your quest for someone to listen to you. Talk therapy, I think they call it.
And speaking of talking, you know where to find me on IM if you want to.
This is an incredible entry. Not wanting to make light of your distress, it takes a real talent in writing to go from a kind of comical picaresque monologue to the depths of despair like that...
Your episode sounds like an anxiety attack, I've had 'em. I think it is a good sign that you envisage your (unlikely) mental disintegration and internment with anger: this signifies, as Swoo might say, that you haven't given up.
There is nothing wrong you, young man, it is simply that your soul is too big. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
