I was having anxiety-driven panic attacks a little while back myself...
not to sound glib, but the most rational thing to do would probably be to see a doctor - don't know about the US, but up here GP's can prescribe meds that will help with anxiety... and if not, they can get you a psychiatric referral. I can understand being reluctant to go that route - I was for a long time as well - but I'm glad i sucked it up and went for it, my state of mind is much better now. I'll leave out the medicinal details since different things work for everyone... but it might be a really simple solution to what might seem right now like an overwhelming problem.
anyway, that's my $0.02 FWIW... hope it works out for you one way or the other.
Everything is way more expensive in Alaska. You may want to rethink that. If you like animals have you thought about veterinary medicine or zoology. Both careers that could keep you local if you want to stay in STL.
I flunked out of college, not because I'm dumb but because I had no sense of direction and didn't really want a career that was anything they would teach me, but I kinda still wish I'd gotten that piece of paper... it gets you paid more. I have to work my balls off to get any kind of advancement. But one thing derived from a decade of working my balls off is that I don't waste time heckling about decisions. Just pick a course, see where it goes, change direction if you want to later... regret is a heavy fucking bundle of bricks to carry around, but not doing ANYTHING because you're afraid you'll regret it later is worse.
If you feel like you need to take control, take control. If they're going to see it as a failure now, or a failure later, what's the difference, except that you'll be done with it quicker if you tear off that band aid now. Student loans are easy to get and at your age you'll be able to get more because 23 is the cutoff age for dependents.
If you're looking for a purpose to be defined for you, it ain't ever gonna happen. But the interesting thing is, there is no wrong direction. Sometimes you just end up needing a new one.
not to sound glib, but the most rational thing to do would probably be to see a doctor - don't know about the US, but up here GP's can prescribe meds that will help with anxiety... and if not, they can get you a psychiatric referral. I can understand being reluctant to go that route - I was for a long time as well - but I'm glad i sucked it up and went for it, my state of mind is much better now. I'll leave out the medicinal details since different things work for everyone... but it might be a really simple solution to what might seem right now like an overwhelming problem.
anyway, that's my $0.02 FWIW... hope it works out for you one way or the other.