Okay, I just made a whole post and accidently deleted it....Grrrrrrr 
Anyways, I've learned a valuable lesson this weekend. Never drink excessively. Needless to say, I did and I'm still recooperating after 2 days. (My stomach is so weak, I swear!) Lesson learned.
Yesterday, depsite the horrible nausea, wasn't too great. I have to come to terms with the fact that someone I love is completely wasting his life. And I feel so helpless because there's nothing I can do about it, no matter how much I love him. Depression is such a debiliatating disease. It saps all the strength, energy, spirit, and soul out of a person....I mean, I've been there myself. Yet after all my years of struggling, there was always a part of me that knew I wanted to get better and fight. He doesn't have that capacity. He's content with living (or not living) like this and refuses to try and help himself.
So, what do I do? It sounds so selfish, but after years of self-abuse, this is the best I have ever felt in about six or seven years. And it has been an uphill struggle to get here, but I've done it. And seeing him in this hopeless state.....isn't healthy for me. I find myself reverting back to the comforting aspects of my own depression because I am unable to deal with his. He has no hope, no life. And it's really taking it's toll on me. At the very least, things would be better if he wanted to try, but no. Nothing. He's always been there for me, but how can you help someone you doesn't want it?
Anyways, I've learned a valuable lesson this weekend. Never drink excessively. Needless to say, I did and I'm still recooperating after 2 days. (My stomach is so weak, I swear!) Lesson learned.
Yesterday, depsite the horrible nausea, wasn't too great. I have to come to terms with the fact that someone I love is completely wasting his life. And I feel so helpless because there's nothing I can do about it, no matter how much I love him. Depression is such a debiliatating disease. It saps all the strength, energy, spirit, and soul out of a person....I mean, I've been there myself. Yet after all my years of struggling, there was always a part of me that knew I wanted to get better and fight. He doesn't have that capacity. He's content with living (or not living) like this and refuses to try and help himself.
So, what do I do? It sounds so selfish, but after years of self-abuse, this is the best I have ever felt in about six or seven years. And it has been an uphill struggle to get here, but I've done it. And seeing him in this hopeless state.....isn't healthy for me. I find myself reverting back to the comforting aspects of my own depression because I am unable to deal with his. He has no hope, no life. And it's really taking it's toll on me. At the very least, things would be better if he wanted to try, but no. Nothing. He's always been there for me, but how can you help someone you doesn't want it?
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Venna said:
And it has been an uphill struggle to get here, but I've done it. And seeing him in this hopeless state.....isn't healthy for me. I find myself reverting back to the comforting aspects of my own depression because I am unable to deal with his. He has no hope, no life. And it's really taking it's toll on me.
I know how this feels, and how contagious depression can be, especially if you've been through it before. Don't be so sure that he doesn't want help though. When I went through depression, I pushed everyone away, even though all I wanted was for someone to be around and understand. He is lucky to have you, but he won't realise it until he fights his way out of his current state. Only he can do that. You can be there for him, like he has been there for you, and hopefully it'll be enough for him to realise he has something to fight for. Being there is all you can do. Take comfort in the knowledge that you are doing everything you can, and don't let his depression get you down. You are achieving more than you realise, but it still takes time. It took me five years, but I made it, and he can make it too if he knows there are people there for him. If you don't think he realises this, be direct and tell him. Hammer it into his head if you have to.
I hope things improve for both of you.