Wow! Munir, thank you so much for writing this. As a Witch and a woman over 40, it truly spoke to me. On the one hand, I'm grateful that my life truly did begin at 40, as the old saying goes; on the other hand - dammit!!! Why did it have to take so long??!! I'm thrilled that you are starting to "get it" NOW.
The issue of "male energy" also spoke to me. I know a lot of Witches who have husbands and sons, they love men, but who absolutely refuse to circle with them. "The male energy" is so different, they say, and can come across as disruptive. I've certainly experienced my share of men who seem to be Pagans purely for the "party" aspect, and who seem to assume that if a woman is Pagan, that means she's an easy lay. 'Taint necessarily so! I've certainly felt comfortable circling with certain men, because their energy was not disruptive or overpowering. Then I started thinking about my relationship with the God. I, like so many, rejected the Big White Bearded Man in the Sky idea of God for a more joyful, Earth-centered one. Even though the Goddess is my main focus, I still found myself loving certain aspects of the God like Pan, Dionysus, Cernunnos, etc. Then I started wondering if these particular God aspects are more "feminine"; the macho sky Gods like Odin, Thor, Zeus, etc., didn't do a thing for me. I have two peacocks tattooed on my forearms. Someone once asked me, "what's a nice feminist like you doing with male birds on your arms??" I thought about that, and realized that a) as a feminist I wanted to honor the male aspect; but b) the male peacock is a femmey show-off!! There's nothing traditionally "male" about him. So now I seem to be more comfortable around men who are "in touch with their feminine aspect," to use a tired phrase. My partner wears women's clothes often, and he has a definite female persona that is very appealing and sexy to me! So now I can't help but wonder - have I become so gynocentric that I can't relate to men unless there is something female about them?? The weird part is, I don't feel that there is anything remotely male or masculine about me. All the traits that people tend to see as "male" - strength, courage, decisiveness, assertiveness, etc., - I have always considered "female" as well. The trouble with that is, people applaud a woman who displays traditionally masculine traits (as long as she doesn't turn into one of them man-hatin' lez-bee-yuns, that is! ), but the man who displays traditionally feminine traits (nurturing, listening, caring, etc.) is immediately branded a "sissy" and worse. Blech.
Well, that's a whole other issue! Anyway, I just wanted to thank you so much for your insights. You've given me much to ponder! Take good care and feel free to write to me anytime. Blessed be!
wow- some stories you have!
funny- you don't look like a 'new age' type- i mean- what's with the short hair dude?
i have to admit- i had some bad experiences with new age people in the past. no disrespect meant to anyone of-course, whatever makes people happy is positive in my book, even if its not my thing. peoblem is- some of these types start developing illusions of grandure. all their talk about inner peace and enlightment go out the window the second you disagree with their opinions.
as for enlightment- i hope not to acheive one any time soon. i say- don't search for one special moment - make your life into an ongoing process of evolution. there's always something to learn and ways to improve- i trully wish to keep the process going until my last second on earth.
again- this is only MY take on the subject- i wish for you to acheive whatever it is your looking for.
I can sympathize with impatience for results. Spiritual or otherwise. The most impressive or surprising type of results seems to be the transformative kind. Where you dont just change jobs or change schools or locations but change your whole way of looking at the entire universe. It would be like waking up one day to find that yolu have wings and can fly. Or that your not an ugly duckling but a beautiful goose all along!
So I wish for you that type of realization. That you have the capacity already to fly. Then you would just let go of your 'block'. Realize that there is no need to "break through" your block but to see it is just a wall, and that walls cant really be obstacles to someone who can fly. or something like that.
Not much happened over here at Easter. Got a 4 day weekend out of it, which was very pleasant.
I have played MMORPGs before, not too often. I wouldnt mind playing more though. Might keep me out of pubs
Strewth, that is a great entry. Sounds like an enchanting night. I'll have a proper read though later on, at work at the mo, so I have to be hasty unfortunately.
Heh heh... I read your comment in Thora's journal, and was intrigued. (she's one of my Favorite Girls too!) I'll be interested in following your progress on this path, should you choose to pursue it further. Goddess blessings on ya!
i had to read your entry in bites. scrolling addles my mind.
i am glad you had a magical night. i had those more frequently a few years ago - ones shared with other people - but now they are usually just me. i don't mind; i am enjoying my hermitage.
i just worked my way through a block of my own. i feel quite a bit lighter. sometimes letting go of a part of your head is real fuckin' hard, even if you know how/when/why to do it.
i tried to call you but you weren't there. oh well. i guess you have better things to do with your friday nights now than sit around waiting for me to call.
)
The issue of "male energy" also spoke to me. I know a lot of Witches who have husbands and sons, they love men, but who absolutely refuse to circle with them. "The male energy" is so different, they say, and can come across as disruptive. I've certainly experienced my share of men who seem to be Pagans purely for the "party" aspect, and who seem to assume that if a woman is Pagan, that means she's an easy lay. 'Taint necessarily so! I've certainly felt comfortable circling with certain men, because their energy was not disruptive or overpowering. Then I started thinking about my relationship with the God. I, like so many, rejected the Big White Bearded Man in the Sky idea of God for a more joyful, Earth-centered one. Even though the Goddess is my main focus, I still found myself loving certain aspects of the God like Pan, Dionysus, Cernunnos, etc. Then I started wondering if these particular God aspects are more "feminine"; the macho sky Gods like Odin, Thor, Zeus, etc., didn't do a thing for me. I have two peacocks tattooed on my forearms. Someone once asked me, "what's a nice feminist like you doing with male birds on your arms??" I thought about that, and realized that a) as a feminist I wanted to honor the male aspect; but b) the male peacock is a femmey show-off!! There's nothing traditionally "male" about him. So now I seem to be more comfortable around men who are "in touch with their feminine aspect," to use a tired phrase. My partner wears women's clothes often, and he has a definite female persona that is very appealing and sexy to me! So now I can't help but wonder - have I become so gynocentric that I can't relate to men unless there is something female about them?? The weird part is, I don't feel that there is anything remotely male or masculine about me. All the traits that people tend to see as "male" - strength, courage, decisiveness, assertiveness, etc., - I have always considered "female" as well. The trouble with that is, people applaud a woman who displays traditionally masculine traits (as long as she doesn't turn into one of them man-hatin' lez-bee-yuns, that is!
Well, that's a whole other issue! Anyway, I just wanted to thank you so much for your insights. You've given me much to ponder! Take good care and feel free to write to me anytime. Blessed be!