trocar

Confession is supposed to ease the burden of the soul, so I will share something that perhaps I've know about for a while but was unable to identifythe mind works to protect it from itself and just maybe that's what been going on with me. During a long talk with one that may know me better than I'd care to admit I may have gained an essential viewpoint on me.

I am in fact hollow, not like a dying tree or a promise made by an unfaithful lover, but distinctly lacking in an element of personality. Notably in the aspect of sharing relationships, I guess you could say the "chemical composition" is lacking some vital atoms. It's not in a cool Dexter way or a Patrick Bateman vibe, but something is missing. I'll give you an example: sex. You see I would classify myself as a "giver" as in the pleasure of my partner is paramount to my own, to the point I feel selfish considering my own. Now I know any ladies reading that may question my motives to the somber notion of the last passage, but every blade has two edges. You see when the person I'm with wants to return the favor I go blankI have little knowledge of what it takes to satisfy me. So that is my curse, in one way although I'm prepared to give physical pleasure on a whim, I remain unable to provide the equal reactionto let her feel "giving".

And this translates to all aspects of a relationship, all form no substance, all fro no show. Sure I'm attractive enough, I can be witty, charming, funny, even hold a conversationbut beyond that I'm much like my father. An emotional "brick wall" as my mother described him and I have become quite similar.

I have to admit, I do feel better typing that.