toxicvixen

spent most of yesterday in my room for the simple reason of not wanting to get dressed, i blame the wet weather.

an old best friend/ex of mine has been getting in touch with me again. calls more often that i can keep up with. his manic state is quite unsettling. seems unstable, too many drugs. complete flip-flop in our relationship. once upon a time i was the unstable one and he was sane. weird to be on the recieving end of madness.

his new girlfriend picked up the phone to talk to me. i could barely say anything because i was so stunned. she told me how he speaks of me often. he talks in riddles, she talks in slow smoldering words. the whole conversation gave me the chills. to weird for words.

brian came over. then we went out. pehaps a mistake. misunderstandings cause pointless arguments. feelings are hurt. he keeps bringing up a reaction i had to a comment he made about lesbians. not sure why, but its starting to annoy me. i already apologized for getting upset. he takes everything i say too personally. maybe at times i'm too brass... my words shouldn't carry that much weight in his heart. i think he takes what i say wrong. i'm not used to that. being cautious of someones feelings. maybe he just needs to learn me better. my own feelings are easily hurt by him, but he seems to let it get to him more. its weird to have someone that lets stuff get to him more than me.

i think i'm just fustrated with my life right now. i need to get a car, i need to get my work straightened out, i need to stop excessively spending money and save, i need to refocus again.

i need a vacation.

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