theduke

SERIOUS THOUGHT PART II:

I had a really good talk with my flatmate earlier (God bless Hayley, the answr to all life's problems!) and she help me realise what all these conflicted emotions meant! It's because I care!

Ok, so Becky's an ex and I broke up with her but I was with a long time and I still have strong feelings for her. The reasons I felt so weird is because I was worried about her. The guy she had a huge crush on I'm fine with. After talking to her tonight and hearing about this old friend who she had a fling with a few years ago is back in town and they are meeting up didn't bother me. It's the one night of drugged fuelled sex that freaked me out and it's because that's what it was, drugged fuelled sex.

I worry about her getting out of control and being in a situation she can't handle. Her flatmate who sleazes on every woman in sight worries me, because I don't want her to be used. I care for her a lot, she's a fantastic girl, not the eternal love of my life but still someone I love. This is why I felt conflicted, I knew I wasn't in love with her but I had to admit I still love her as a person. I love all my close friends. I love Hayley my flatmate. I don't want to sleep with her but I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I would do anything for her.

I feel much better now. It wasn't anything to do with pride and a dented ego. I was concerned about her, that's all. I'm not bothered about being single, I'm glad she's moving on. It was just a new emotion for me. I've never felt so strongly about someone before. All my mates are usually looking after me and dealing with my shit.

I probably sound really egotistical in this entry, but hey that's what a journals for. I feel so much relief at the moment. I had no idea what was going on and I was getting funked out by it all. It's good to have friends, it's great to talk.

I'll be seeing yer Abyssina

T