thedevice

Well I'm back and forth between great and god-fucking-awful... it's interesting to say the least.

For a while I was finally feeling confident since Amity and I parted ways. She's been really wierd lately ever since my birthday, she gave me this really sweet card that definately had some mixed signals in there, and told me on several occasions how happy she was to still have me as her best friend; which I totally agree with. A mere 5 days later though she started acting really withdrawn and even got PISSED at me when I asked how she was doing with some of the stressfull shit in her life ("If I wanted to talk about it I'd bring it up, OKAY!"). So I took that to heart and stopped calling her.

On another note, I started hanging out with two of the guys from the first band I was in that was moderately succesful. I had forgotten how important Justin was in my life; probably one of the best listeners I've ever known. Anyway it just feels really good to be hanging out again. So we are talking about doing a reunion show, which would be fucking amazing.

So I proceed to tell my mom about a couple days ago, and she doesn't even remember that I was in this band... I was doing it for 6+ years and was EVERYTHING in my life. It hurt a lot, and for the first time in a long time I felt really alone... like I had lost, in one way or the other, everyone that knows who I am and where I came from.

I also found out from Justin that one my friends from when we were doing the band shot himself in the head... so here I am, I have this to deal with and seemingly with no one to talk about it with.