termie

This one is going to be whiney, prepare yourself.

She told me she is worried because I seem to like her much more than she likes me. How shitty is that? Makes me want to cry myself to sleep.

I've always thought that a lot of the things people cried over were pretty small, that if they cared so much about something they would be doing something more useful than crying about it. I guess I pretended I was better than them because of it, even while offering a sensitive shoulder, but I think we all just have different thresholds.

She probably needs more space, some of her concern seemed based around the idea of responsibility, that she doesn't want to be responsible for giving me the amount of attention I want. I don't feel that I actually ask for all that much attention of her, but I could see how the feeling of needing space could bring around that sentiment. I always need more space... usually because I don't like the person as much as they like me. Shitty.

The issue now is hanging out with her, constantly worrying about this, sabotaging myself with my own fear. The way to get through this is to continue to be somebody she does want, even if it is less than how much I want her, to require less from her so that she doesn't feel I am a drain.

I've moved too strongly and now I'm worried that I've tangled everything up so much that I won't be able to untie it. It scares the hell out of me.