tasteofdesire

i cant tell you what it is that makes me think of him. i have no reason to. theres nothing thats ever materialized, nothing that will ever materialize. i understand that, i realize that, and i accept that. i cant make him do things that i think he should do, no matter how much i wish and hope and pray. i know that we would destroy each other, because hes too neurotic and im too obsessive and hes too whiny and im too independent and hes too orange county and im too los angeles.

i know all of it, so no one needs to remind me.

but sometimes when i listen to certain songs, when its night time, when ive taken a shower and had a glass of wine

sometimes, when its raining hard outside and im getting ready to climb into bed, relaxing after a long week

sometimes, when i think about how hed be the prince and id be the princess

sometimes it seems like a good idea just to jump in headfirst, because the water is so clear that i cant tell whether the pool is empty or not.

when you jump like that, you run the risk of breaking apart at the bottom or drowning before you come up for air. you go into it knowing that. thats what love is - the risk of breaking and drowning, but also the chance of floating and swimming.

ive felt that way so many times. and sometimes ive broken, and ive nearly drowned twice that i can count. but in all of those times, in every single one, painful or joyful, one thing remains the common connection between them all.

just the breathlessness of the jump has always made the experience worth it.