So, whats been going on?
Scott is leaving work soon. Hes going back home to that silly state New South Wales. So thatll leave me alone at work all day, and itll be time to open the betting pool to see how long it will be until I hang myself in the reserve.
Separate pools for when I start cutting.
Ive plenty going on inside my head, but there is this overwhelming god-damned pressure that gets me whenever I sit down and open the page to start writing. And I can never translate what I want, or if I do, its not good enough. Not for me, not for anyone.
I might try it again once Ive finished typing here. I need to warm up my fingers. Its so fucking cold. Breath is misting even as I sit here with the computer perched on my lap, under the covers.
I suppose I have a few things to look forward to: Scott is having a going away meet up at Love Machine this Sunday night. Priya is stopping by my place to pick me up before hand. Should be good fun, I havent seen her in a while. A William and Vyshali and Patricia and Isobel will all be there too.
A Gay Club might not be the best place to go to, you know, heal my soul or whatever, but I might be able to meet some people. Scott has lots of interesting friends. I might even meet some straight women, they apparently frequent these bars. Ironically, to avoid getting hit on by guys like me.
In the very least, I might be able to bond with some other work friends. Gah. No clue.
Im also seeing Captain America with Jo next week! So excite!
I love Jo. I hardly ever see her, though. I think the last time seriously was like, a year ago. Shes a good tumblr and twitter friend, though. And she texts me when she thinks Im feeling down, which is sweet. Itll be nice to spend some time with her again.
And Im breaking three toes and a spoon to try and catch up with Cat sometime soon. Brigid too, shes just started uni, and Im keen for some more awkward vegetarian dumplings if she is.
I spoke to my Dad today. I dont usually speak to him about how I feel. Probably because I always find his advice to be a little dated. And so it should, hes got over fifty years on me.
But it was nice. His wording was, -as I mentioned-, a little before-my-time, but he certainly got his points across. I love my Dad. Im glad he can still give me advice, even though I sometimes think he doesnt quite understand how things work these days for people my age.
But I love him for it, and he told me what I needed to hear. Wed never really had a conversation like we did today about girls and all that. It was part amusing, part depressing, part uplifting. It was strange, but Im happier for it, I think.
Im actually really looking forward to going out this weekend. Usually when I go out, the people Im with arent that socially outgoing, so I tend to bend to the norm and not try and talk to anyone new, because of the whole peer group thing.
I probably used the wrong peer then, but whatever.
I had dinner with Bell for the last time ever the other night. I think I forgot to mention that. It was nice. I held her close and kissed her and kissed her again, and then watched her walk away, onto the tram, and out of my life.
For some reason, I think of death.
And then I open up a blank page and try my best to write some more.
Love and Kittens,
Brian
Scott is leaving work soon. Hes going back home to that silly state New South Wales. So thatll leave me alone at work all day, and itll be time to open the betting pool to see how long it will be until I hang myself in the reserve.
Separate pools for when I start cutting.
Ive plenty going on inside my head, but there is this overwhelming god-damned pressure that gets me whenever I sit down and open the page to start writing. And I can never translate what I want, or if I do, its not good enough. Not for me, not for anyone.
I might try it again once Ive finished typing here. I need to warm up my fingers. Its so fucking cold. Breath is misting even as I sit here with the computer perched on my lap, under the covers.
I suppose I have a few things to look forward to: Scott is having a going away meet up at Love Machine this Sunday night. Priya is stopping by my place to pick me up before hand. Should be good fun, I havent seen her in a while. A William and Vyshali and Patricia and Isobel will all be there too.
A Gay Club might not be the best place to go to, you know, heal my soul or whatever, but I might be able to meet some people. Scott has lots of interesting friends. I might even meet some straight women, they apparently frequent these bars. Ironically, to avoid getting hit on by guys like me.
In the very least, I might be able to bond with some other work friends. Gah. No clue.
Im also seeing Captain America with Jo next week! So excite!
I love Jo. I hardly ever see her, though. I think the last time seriously was like, a year ago. Shes a good tumblr and twitter friend, though. And she texts me when she thinks Im feeling down, which is sweet. Itll be nice to spend some time with her again.
And Im breaking three toes and a spoon to try and catch up with Cat sometime soon. Brigid too, shes just started uni, and Im keen for some more awkward vegetarian dumplings if she is.
I spoke to my Dad today. I dont usually speak to him about how I feel. Probably because I always find his advice to be a little dated. And so it should, hes got over fifty years on me.
But it was nice. His wording was, -as I mentioned-, a little before-my-time, but he certainly got his points across. I love my Dad. Im glad he can still give me advice, even though I sometimes think he doesnt quite understand how things work these days for people my age.
But I love him for it, and he told me what I needed to hear. Wed never really had a conversation like we did today about girls and all that. It was part amusing, part depressing, part uplifting. It was strange, but Im happier for it, I think.
Im actually really looking forward to going out this weekend. Usually when I go out, the people Im with arent that socially outgoing, so I tend to bend to the norm and not try and talk to anyone new, because of the whole peer group thing.
I probably used the wrong peer then, but whatever.
I had dinner with Bell for the last time ever the other night. I think I forgot to mention that. It was nice. I held her close and kissed her and kissed her again, and then watched her walk away, onto the tram, and out of my life.
For some reason, I think of death.
And then I open up a blank page and try my best to write some more.
Love and Kittens,
Brian