sparkle

so like im recovering from the last 3 nights of aging myself 20 years...one could say that i will learn from my mistakes, but ive been telling myself that every time i make the same ones..i was in a similar situation to the one last night in early september, but it worked out much better...i mean it started out okay, me bouncing around like an e-tard (and it wasnt even that, what a freeq i am) but like, it ended up really bad, and i am sure even as cool as my friends are they would judge me pretty harshly for just like letting myself go, ah well, its not all my fault, people dont have to be such oppurtunist assholes and use me dry in my fucked up states..the whole thing last night reminds me of this "foreign art house adult" movie called "baise moi" and there is this one scene where these two girls are getting raped...okay my situation wasnt nearly that traumatic, but still fucked up nonetheless, i guess people are going to start calling me a train, if i dont shape up....its not what people think, I AM not what people think, oh well, and that was just last night, it really does get better (worse) but i will spare the gorey details...