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son_of_aeeth

Seattle

Member Since 2011

Followers 10 Following 11

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Saturday Jul 16, 2011

Jul 15, 2011
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You know, it's odd, my relationship history. I was thinking about it today and I find it to be weird. I'm not all that selfish by any stretch, not more than the next person at least, though it turns out I get called selfish whenever I talk about this stuff. I haven't had many relationships, which can be attributed to a few things (chief among them my shyness and subsequent reclusiveness, and my general woman/relationship idiocy). It doesn't mean I'm not wise, in a manner of speaking, at least, to my own condition. I don't dwell on it often, though when I do I find myself thinking, "damn, what a little whiny bitch I am."

Being a little whiny bitch isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's definitely not something to aspire to. It could be attributed to either immaturity or general heartbroken-ness, though I fucking don't know. I need that kind of shit explained to me. You know, it's odd how easily I befriend the opposite sex, I have a way with women that just works. We hit it off well and always become good friends. Occasionally that may develop into something more (like it did with my most recent ex girlfriend) or it could just be that platonic friendship I value so much. I don't complain when either one happens, that would be stupid.

I think the whiny bitch mode comes out when I find out that almost all of the girlfriends I had had someone else in mind in the first place. I seem to be either the second choice, or just the last choice fallback plan that ends up failing because it's a fallback plan. It's just so very comforting when women call me a very caring, accepting, nice, blah blah blah dude and end up leaving me. For who? I dunno. Don't care, that's not up to me so I can't say anything about it.

It would just be nice not to be given more than a few months once in awhile. I dunno what I'm doing wrong, all of the aforementioned platonic girlfriends always say that it's what they (the ex girlfriends) are doing wrong. I don't believe that it's all their fault. I have to be doing something wrong. I'm not perfect, that's one true as can be fact. It's nice to hear that my friends think I'm a great guy, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm the one getting dumped.

One of these days I'll figure out what it is. Until then I will keep doing what I am doing in hopes it pays off. I don't mind being alone for a long time, but I don't want to stay that way. Oh well, one of these days.

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