So on Facebook I have my 'Dear 'insert thing here' statuses. Mayhaps I'll try them here.
Dear Alcohol,
You are so wonderful and delicious, and if people drink enough of you they might actually find me attractive. As wonderful as you are I have to wonder... why does they euphoric happy buzz you provide seem to last not too long on me. Also, on a personal note to Vodka... quit being all kinds of flavored... be happy with who you are, man.
Your friend,
A drunken idiot