sluttygoodboy

For the first time in a long time I'm feeling optimistic. Not overly so, but optimistic nonetheless.

Have a confidence in our ability to stay away from each other this time that wasn't there before. That would be me and a person at work that is not my wife for those of you that have not been keeping up. Need to make moves to keep this person out of my life. This will mean changing things from my parking spot to my friends. It has to be done. Period.

A realization, like a fuckin' Walker Texas Ranger cowboy boot to the gut in those flex karate jeans delivered by God dammed Chuck Fucking Norris himself, of what has been going on, who was hurting, and why and where is coming over me now.

Still running on tons of emotion so I'm pretty useless at this point still. I think I'll be this way, and have been, for a while more. Glad I've confided in a supervisor at work and have gone to some of the work sponsored counseling. That will definitely help me if the shit hits the fan at work from my sheer lack of output. Hard to give a fuck about work when you're talking about the end of your life as you know it.

I'm seeing my wife differently now. Appreciating some aspects of her that I think I was taking for granted; taking for granted always. The thought of what we could have if we make it through this makes me fucking cry. Like seeing God with fucking angels singing and the bright lights and shit. The amount of work, the stuff we'll just have to accept, the changes in ourselves that will need to take place to get there are huge. The undertaking is overwhelming and daunting to say the least. I have to think...baby steps.