A pigeon gave me the stink-eye 
I'm at my store. I'm tired. My back has been killing me. I'm cranky. I'm in no mood for atty-tude. I step outside to have a cigarette, and because it's early in the morning there isn't much going on out of the streets of Filthadelphia. Across the street there is this fat, dirty pigeon walking around. Mind you, I'm not a supporter of cruelty to animals, but I'm not very fond of pigeons. They're nothing more than rat's with wings. Filthy beasts. The bottom of the areo-food chain.
But I digress.
This tubby bitch is walking around doing it's thing, when a big gust of wind comes along. There is a plastic water bottle on the street. (litter is not uncommon in Philly) The gust of wind threw the bottle dangerously close to the pigeon. So close, in fact, that he had to do an Indiana Jones, action hero, type manuver to dodge it.
It was an impressive sight.
So this fat bastard does him best impression of the Matrix and dodges the on-coming bottle, and then what does he do? Turns and looks right at me, tilts his head to the side, and gives me the stink-eye.
Son of a bitch!
As if I threw the bottle. I'm a bit shocked at first, but then my anger really starts to kick in when he won't stop. This little fucker is staring me down. I think he wants to go.
So now we are staring each other down. Neither one of us blinks or flinches. It's on! Pedestrians are walking by and seeing what's going on and starting to watch. Noone dares ask us what is going on. They can see that now is not the time to disturb us. That, and the pigeon can't answer them... because he's a pigeon.
A good 10 or 15 minutes goes by. It actually went on so long, that I finished my cigarette and then had another. By now we are circling each other in the street. Squaring off, if you will. Shit's about to get ugly. Both people and pigeons alike have gathered to watch the battle that is about to ensue. I have my plan of attack figured out in my head. The high ground is normally the best strategy, but I'm 6 feet taller than him. Go low it is. I'll sweep his legs, keeping my hands up to block incase he takes flight and comes at my face.
Just as I'm about to make my move, a car comes down the street. Our stare down is broken, and he flys away. Up to the railing on the second floor of the parking garage across the street. He hangs his rubbery bobble head in shame.
I've won this round.
I'm at my store. I'm tired. My back has been killing me. I'm cranky. I'm in no mood for atty-tude. I step outside to have a cigarette, and because it's early in the morning there isn't much going on out of the streets of Filthadelphia. Across the street there is this fat, dirty pigeon walking around. Mind you, I'm not a supporter of cruelty to animals, but I'm not very fond of pigeons. They're nothing more than rat's with wings. Filthy beasts. The bottom of the areo-food chain.
But I digress.
This tubby bitch is walking around doing it's thing, when a big gust of wind comes along. There is a plastic water bottle on the street. (litter is not uncommon in Philly) The gust of wind threw the bottle dangerously close to the pigeon. So close, in fact, that he had to do an Indiana Jones, action hero, type manuver to dodge it.
It was an impressive sight.
So this fat bastard does him best impression of the Matrix and dodges the on-coming bottle, and then what does he do? Turns and looks right at me, tilts his head to the side, and gives me the stink-eye.
Son of a bitch!
As if I threw the bottle. I'm a bit shocked at first, but then my anger really starts to kick in when he won't stop. This little fucker is staring me down. I think he wants to go.
So now we are staring each other down. Neither one of us blinks or flinches. It's on! Pedestrians are walking by and seeing what's going on and starting to watch. Noone dares ask us what is going on. They can see that now is not the time to disturb us. That, and the pigeon can't answer them... because he's a pigeon.
A good 10 or 15 minutes goes by. It actually went on so long, that I finished my cigarette and then had another. By now we are circling each other in the street. Squaring off, if you will. Shit's about to get ugly. Both people and pigeons alike have gathered to watch the battle that is about to ensue. I have my plan of attack figured out in my head. The high ground is normally the best strategy, but I'm 6 feet taller than him. Go low it is. I'll sweep his legs, keeping my hands up to block incase he takes flight and comes at my face.
Just as I'm about to make my move, a car comes down the street. Our stare down is broken, and he flys away. Up to the railing on the second floor of the parking garage across the street. He hangs his rubbery bobble head in shame.
I've won this round.
super_duper_lamo:
pigeons are disgusting....glad you beat him 
kip:
haha thanks for that supercute comment on my set:d 