Buy lots of Kiwis, they are the secret ingredient.

Have fun at the concert.

Without the roofies, how was I supposed to take advantage of you? Duh.

Leg brace for socks. That's the tradeoff. Put the socks in one of those cool metal briefcases, stand on the corner of seventh and Pike and you will receive a call about the dropoff point. If you contact the police, you'll never see your brace again and will have to walk crooked forever.

BTW, do you have international calling?

A HOLE IN THEM? They were pristine when I gave them to you! SOCK RUINER! And if "Confederacy of Dunces" comes back with so much as a scratch, so help me ...

I did NOT know that about your friends. You should really learn to express your emotions.

Usually, the roofies come first, then the plying with pork.

Yeah, I'd love to get you a vodka tonic, but someone *cough* emptied my liquor cabinet.

Nights in White Satin ...

There's this button called Cap Lock. Are you familiar with how to push it WHEN YOUR LETTERS START COMING OUT LIKE THIS?

Easiest way to get your brother to clean, hide the remote, he'll have to clean to find it....

if that don't work hit him with a tuna

I used to do it when I would watch my little sister.... hit her with a tuna that is

roofies wrapped in bacon? Genius!

You broke your back? I had no idea. That's gotta be rough.

I heard that in addition to the smoking ban tomorrow's elections will declare your apartment a city landfill.