Its shit sometime, and its not shit.
I decided to finally do this blog homework (@missy @rambo) because I had a reason to. I didnt want to just write a blog taking about how validated I feel to wake up every morning and see my phone blinking with notifications. Its such an amazing way to start the day, and I appreciate every single person that takes the time to follow my page or like a photo. I mean, of course its not the most significant thing that could be validating my self worth, but whatever. Its never going to not feel good to know that the amount of people that could fill a small sports stadium think that I'm interesting enough to want to see me in their news feed. So thats the pro. Thats the positive side.
Whats shit though, is that when I really pay attention, which I try not to, I notice that no one actually thinks I'm that fucking interesting at all, haha. I know that most of my followers are there because I am a model, and more specifically because I am a nude model, but it breaks my heart how many people are so disgusted by me posting things about my hobbies or interests that they unfollow me in waves. Thats really what motivated this blog. Im a little sad. Two nights ago, for the first time since I've been playing music, I filled in for a band and I played my bass on stage. I had nightmares about it for two weeks before hand, I practiced the songs probably 300 times, and I was so fucking nervous, but I did it. And someone took a really fucking cool picture.
I was so stoked that I posted the picture, which (I suppose unshockingly) got about a quarter of the likes that any average well-lit cleavage selfie gets on my page. Which was fine! I don't care about that, people like what they like, and I know its not as eye catching as a overflowing pair of double d's or a little peach booty while you're scrolling through Instagram. What really bothered me, was that over 200 people unfollowed me after posting that. 200 people were so pissed off that I had an interest other than taking my clothes off that they went to my page and said "fuck that! i don't want to see anything this 'bassist' is ever going to post again." That hurts.
Im not going to let it change me though. It's going to piss me off, but I'm not going to stop posting things Im proud of, or interested in, or passionate about. I guess eventually I'm going to weed out all of the people who hate the idea of my having a brain inside my tiny body. And I will continue to block people like this:
Angry bitch rant over.
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