I think there is something to the notion that psychosocial development plays an important, shared role in all of our lives. I'm not so sure that it has any bearing on personal relationships apart from the obvious fact that there are likely to be popular cultural (and therefore cultural) references that cannot truly be shared between two people whose ages vary more than a half generation (ten years). In fact, it may provide an environment that compels both people to rely solely on clear communication and not half stated assumptive posits, which seem to happen all the time with same age/similar life experience people, who tend to presume much about each other, only to find themselves recognizing that they have not meant the same thing for some time.

My personal experience ranges widely in terms of age difference, in both directions. For my own part I would offer that trust and truthfulness have been far and away the most vitally important factors in my relationships and their overall satisfaction than anything else. Age, ethnicity, religion, social, educational and cultural differences have all been small considerations compared to that. If I trust someone I respect and appreciate them with ease and without hesitation. In that absence of trust there is little to celebrate.

Make any sense?

I've always hung out with people who are older than me as well, although I can't say that I've been in relationships with anyone significantly older than me. I've been with a few people who are younger than me though, so I suppose I have some of that perspective.

At work, I'm about 10 years younger than any other manager and have often had people who are much older than me report to me. One of the things I've come to terms with based on my experience is the fact that older people pretty much always consider you to be young, regardless of the level of maturity you demonstrate. It only takes one immature moment to be reminded of your age.

I would say that when I dated younger women I didn't think a lot about their age until they did something stupidly immature of them. I also remember going through a moment in life where I realized that a lot of my friends/lovers were 5+ years younger than me and at different stages in their lives. That made it hard for me to relate to them at times, or worse, made me think I was young and threatened to debunk me.

I think the number isn't the issue, it's the maturity level. If you're both in the same place, it can totally work, but if someone's ready to settle down and the other person wants to party, there's a disconnect. Sometimes, that's driven by age, but other times, just life and other priorities.

Lots of other good insights above, hope some of what we've said helps.

Personally, I think age is a factor that varies with importance depending on the people involved. That isn't an attempt to dodge the question, but truthfully, some people will always be more mature, or will mature faster, than others. Most of the time, age has never been much of an issue for me. I get along a lot better with people who are younger than I am, usually. Some of my best friends in my whole life are a lot younger than I am. However, I also get along with older people. When it comes down to it, I think age and maturity matter most only under certain circumstances. If you're going to get married, and the person you're marrying isn't very mature, this could obviously cause problems. For the most part, if you can get along with someone and be happy having that person in your life, regardless of any age difference, then obvously age doesn't mean that much. However, if either you or the other person are constantly feeling unhappy and it seems to be impossible for the two of you to relate, then age and maturity definitely become issues. Basically, it all comes down to the specifics of the people in your life. Age and maturity by themselves don't necessarily mean anything. It's more about what kind of person you are, and what kind of person you're looking for in your life.

Time is something man made up so everything doesn't happen at once. There's things everyone experiences at the same age and there's things that can happen at any time. Then there's the people that choose what they want to do.

I'd like to believe people are more than the sum of their experiences.

To be honest, it's not something I ever considered all that much until somewhat recently. People definitely don't experience things at the same time, if they even experience the same things to begin with. That being said, maturity I think is something completely unrelated to age. I always seem to get along better with women, and people in genereal, that are older than me for some reason. But if you see my life's path, I have not anywhere near the experience you'd expect of someone that is 30. Now, do I see myself with someone my age? Absolutely not, we would most likely not be at the same place in life, unless she has a similar life than mine. So while I get along better with older women, I would tend to go for someone younger than me. I always had mixed feelings about too big of an age gap in a relationship but I'm beginning to think it doesn't matter as much as I thought.

You might want to watch this: Why 30 is not the new 20. (It doesn't relate directly to your question; my reason for recommending it is that it may stimulate some thinking that will be helpful for addressing your question.)

I think we all have different ages in our mind to different areas. Like in some aspects i am a kid, others a serious old grown up, and others a perverted old lech lol. Point is that in the end you are you. As for love, my rule is the ten year one. Ten years plus or minus my age is acceptable, otherwise its would just be ackward caus you are in a different mind frame

I think the maturity thing has two important factors:

1) People mature at different rates. Two people born at the same time on the same day of the same year will be at different places in their lives 10, 20, 30 years later based on their experience. Your experience drew you towards people more chronologically advanced than yourself because you probably found yourself at the same place as them in terms of maturity.

2) The importance of the maturity gap becomes less important the older you get. In general, a 20 year old is in a very different place (out of high school, maybe in University or College, maybe working. Certainly "finding themselves.") than a 30 year old (establishing or established within a career, having or thinking about having a family etc. etc.). Move up 10 years to a 30 and 40 year old, and they're roughly in the same place. There will of course be differences based on the 10 year gap, but not as significant as the 20 and 30 year old. This gap just keeps getting smaller as people get older as they share similar, if not the same, experiences. The longer you're around, the more experiences you have and you inherently have more in common with people since your experiences probably share some common ground somewhere. There is a finite number of things to do on the earth so there must be overlap.

As a chronological measure of the time you were born to the present, age is nothing really. Just a number.

Unfortunately, no one can ever really be unbiased.

I think once you hit your 20s, age difference matters less and less. What matters is that you're both in the same stage of your lives and both want the same things. I

f one of you wants to party all night & travel the world while the other wants to settle down and have kids, that's a problem. And it isn't age specific. But if both of you want to party all night or both want to settle down or whatever, then who cares how old everyone is?

On a separate note, Asylumm is hot!

It's a sincerely complex question but I don't think age is the slightest bit important. I've dated women half my age, my own age and in between. Many of my friends here (except for a few) are a few years to a few decades younger than I but I don't care. Im a sweet kind, gentle soul whose experience i think benefits my friends whom happen to be younger. In relationships (romantic meaning) it depends completely on how sympatico the two are. In my early twenties I dated a woman who was older than my own mother...a 'cougar' by todays standards but we didn't care, she taught me alot. My last gf was 18 years younger than me. It wasnt permanent obviously since im terribly single now but we cared about one another. I think when a man (or woman) reaches a certain age they know the differences between love and lust. Im speaking of my own experiences mind you.

Anyway, I hope I helped.

Kev

Hmmm..... I think Holling and Shelly on "Northern Exposure" has it about right,
except he may be just a little on the young side - not by much though.

I have always felt that sexual, intellectual, and emotional compatability were far more important than some arbitrary age line.

That said, those things often are simpatico among people of similar ages, but I know enough exceptions to nearly make a rule.

In the end, I think what year you and they were born is not of much interest or value.

Shaine,

I'm not entirely sure how to put together the 2nd and 3rd sentences in the quote above. If you've always found it very difficult to relate to others your own age, then it seems that you have found age to be an important factor in at least some types of relationship. I assume you mean that you've never found being in any kind of relationship with someone older than you to be an issue at all, but have found the reverse age difference to be a problem.

If so, you're not alone. Many, if not most, of my female friends feel the same way and have explicitly talked about this very issue--mostly in the case of romantic relationships. And, given the statistics on age differences in 2nd marriages (if I remember correctly, it's on average 10-15 years in the man's "favor", in heterosexual marriages), I think my personal survey via my friends applies more generally. There are many different "explanations" for this, ranging from evolutionary (back in the days of prehistory, older women were more likely to die during child birth, so genetic predisposition for males to be attracted to older women were passed on less frequently than a predisposition to be attracted to younger women) to Jungian psychology (anima / animus concepts) and everything in between. There's also a strong contingent of the "age ain't nothin' but a number" attitude, of course.

In any case, if age brackets ARE in fact important to YOU--if that is your experience--then it bears thinking on perhaps, but ultimately you are who you are! And if you relate better to people older than you, then, well, that's that. Growing up, I was really good friends with a group of boys about 4 years older than me, and so I listened to music and read books and watched movies and talked about stuff that was just a bit ahead of "my generation". As mentioned by another poster, that sort of thing provides a body of shared cultural reference and attitudes and characters and stories and all that. So that could be a factor. But for me, it didn't mean that I favored older friends. It just meant that later in life I could relate well to both older and younger people.

I think there is good evidence that there ARE psychological stages of development and important milestones along this path, and I think there is also good evidence that there is SOME correlation with physical age. However . . . it's only a statistical, general thing. Any individual person can obviously be at one or the other side of the bell curve. And it's not a linear thing--sometimes we progress out of order, or have to revisit something we thought we were done with. And in any case, I suspect it's a pretty broad curve.

All of that said, it is my considered opinion and personal experience that girls and women are generally more mature for their age than boys and men. This is more significant for younger age groups I think, but still not insignificant even into middle age. For me, this is part of why I have an easier time relating to younger women than to younger men (younger than me, that is). I was involved in one of the University environmental groups recently (well, I still am) and I found the few undergraduate men who were in the group to be markedly immature and lacking in common sense in certain areas while I pretty much related to the women as equals. The male grad student who started the group I related to just fine, as an equal, but he was at least 5 years older than the three undergrads. Just anecdotal, to be sure, and far from proving anything, but it does illustrate my opinion, whatever the merits of said opinion.

FWIW.

-Jim

Firts, what matters most is shared interests and ideas.
Second, you're the only one that determines if everyone else's opinion matters or not.
As long as you don't break the law or your own ethics, just do whatever makes you and the ones you care happy and let everything else go.

Labels, ideas, paradigms........only matter as long as you let them apply to you.

Do what works for you. Age has less to do with anything as you get older then what yo enjoy and love and find important. Make up your own rules the hell with the rest.

people are different, and their personal experiences tend to influence their views. Age difference isn't that important if the people involved are mature, intelligent and worldly,...good luck finding that lol. You seem very mature for your age . I hope you find somone good for you regardless of their age.

The new set is amazing. Good luck with it

Erik Erikson heh, Your sets do mesmerize, more in a non verbal sense.

To the question at hand (thank you) age difference makes little difference if what brings two people together is sufficient to keep them together. If a relationship is begun on a physical, spiritual, intellectual (too dry never happens without physical attraction of some kind) basis, it will continue as long as it does not become stagnant.

It's all about feeding the spirit, and it's far more primal than we give it credit for. When I appreciate a woman's body, it's not just aesthetics, it is still a recognition of the animating principal that is inherent in her. and the desire to penetrate that mystery of the other.

I'm told we have you to thank for getting Vespa back to making a new set. This is happy news.

Hello you. I miss you.