I'm fucking numb right now, its my little brother's birthday and I'm supposed to take my son to Cancer kid camp tomorrow. The lawn again needs mowed, its 10 am and I need a drink. Fuck.
My mom is 48 year's old, an alcoholic and a drug attic. She's also my mom and I love her no matter what, however, I have kept my family and I at arm's length from her. She knows she is always welcome in my home as long as she's not fucked up but I rarely make an effort to see her. Granted, I myself have my issues but I keep my shit together and I am able to function and support my family, something she has never been able to for any length of time.
Thursday night she decided to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills, because, you know, that helps. This is not her first attempt over the years. She was taken by Life Flight from the Weiser Hospital to St Luke's in Boise (About 60 miles). They pumped her stomach and had her semi sedated by the time my brothers, our wives/girlfriends and I gathered to see her. She was still pretty fucked up and claimed that I looked like Shrek with green skin and all.
"That'll do Donkey, That'll do."
Her boyfriend seems like a decent guy. He was there when she did it, they had gotten in an argument and she was drinking. She was also supposed to go to court the next day (Yesterday) for a drug charge that she picked up a few weeks ago. I learned last night from my moms junkie brother that this guy is HIV positive, not sure how reliable this info is but my uncle has no reason to lie to me about something like that. This guy, the boyfriend has stayed with her so far and blames himself for what has happened.
Layer's of shit on a shit sandwich.
I don't know what to do now, I don't know how to go forward, how to help her, or even if I can. I have a 7 year old son with Cancer that needs attention, a daughter that needs attention, a wife that needs attention, 2 dogs that need attention, a house to maintain, a 40 minute (each way) commute to a stressful job that I hate. I have bills to pay, a lawn to mow, books to write and words to convey. I need to be that man, the father I never had and the husband that my mom never had. I don't want to be super-human, I just want to be human.
I know what I do not want to be, a babysitter for a 48 year old suicidal woman with a drug habit and an arrest record.
I'm sorry mom.
My mom is 48 year's old, an alcoholic and a drug attic. She's also my mom and I love her no matter what, however, I have kept my family and I at arm's length from her. She knows she is always welcome in my home as long as she's not fucked up but I rarely make an effort to see her. Granted, I myself have my issues but I keep my shit together and I am able to function and support my family, something she has never been able to for any length of time.
Thursday night she decided to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills, because, you know, that helps. This is not her first attempt over the years. She was taken by Life Flight from the Weiser Hospital to St Luke's in Boise (About 60 miles). They pumped her stomach and had her semi sedated by the time my brothers, our wives/girlfriends and I gathered to see her. She was still pretty fucked up and claimed that I looked like Shrek with green skin and all.
"That'll do Donkey, That'll do."
Her boyfriend seems like a decent guy. He was there when she did it, they had gotten in an argument and she was drinking. She was also supposed to go to court the next day (Yesterday) for a drug charge that she picked up a few weeks ago. I learned last night from my moms junkie brother that this guy is HIV positive, not sure how reliable this info is but my uncle has no reason to lie to me about something like that. This guy, the boyfriend has stayed with her so far and blames himself for what has happened.
Layer's of shit on a shit sandwich.
I don't know what to do now, I don't know how to go forward, how to help her, or even if I can. I have a 7 year old son with Cancer that needs attention, a daughter that needs attention, a wife that needs attention, 2 dogs that need attention, a house to maintain, a 40 minute (each way) commute to a stressful job that I hate. I have bills to pay, a lawn to mow, books to write and words to convey. I need to be that man, the father I never had and the husband that my mom never had. I don't want to be super-human, I just want to be human.
I know what I do not want to be, a babysitter for a 48 year old suicidal woman with a drug habit and an arrest record.
I'm sorry mom.