schumacherphoto

If I have been short or just flat out ignored any of you lately I am sorry. I am pretty much constantly worried about my mom. She's been pretty sick for a while now with no answers as to why. The doctors have mentioned three possibilities and none of them are particularly nice things to hear. So far the projections from the doctors are that mom is developing Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's Disease or that she has had a minor stroke in the last year and didn't know it. I don't think they really know or have any kind of clue yet. More or less they are just talking to the symptoms that she is exhibiting without tests yet. Jesus this fucking sucks. I took mom for an MRI last week when I was home. She is obviously worried about what's going on and I think that hits me even harder, watching her worry. She asked me alot, "Did you see anything when they had me in there?". Of course I didn't see anything. I wouldn't know if I did. She seems pretty shook up over this whole thing, understandably so. I don't know what to do right now...The only thing to be done is wait till they know what we're dealing with and then to just deal with it. Get mom better and keep going. Some things are easier than others I think. I try to be strong for mom when I see her because I can't let her see me crying over all this like I am doing right now just thinking about it and not even knowing.

I am sitting here in my hotel suite in very pretty Anaheim, California and wishing I was back home, wishing I was somewhere else... I wonder sometimes why I leave each week, why I ever left any of those times... I mean, I know why I do it because it is my job. I try to be responsible and to be a better man for the future that I have always looked forward to, planned for. You know what I mean though, don't YOU?

My dad called me today to let me know and as he put it, so I didn't "freak out", that my mom was put in the hospital today and will probably be there for a couple of days for observation. She got pretty weak today and ended up being admitted for a bunch of tests to try and figure out what's going on. I talked to her for a little bit and she sounds tired but she's ok. Dad said everything is fine and I don't need to come home, but I can't help but want to be there regardless. My brother called to tell me the same thing that my dad did. If anything progresses I know that they'll let me know and I will be on the next plane back to Tampa.

It's late...I am jet-lagged as hell...I am worried about mom...mom isn't the only thing on my mind, but that's not news I guess...I am going to bed.