I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I hate to think that you're beating yourself up over your marriage having gone awry.
RE: "I just want to know what made me so unloveable and not worthwhile." I don't know that you can conclude that you are or were either simply because your marriage ended and your ex was beastly to you. I've recently been reading The extramarital sex contract by Jay and Mae Ziskin (Los Angeles, Nash Pub., 1973) (NOTE: I'm a sociology librarian, not a swinger, so have no fear: I'm not interested in proselytizing for The Lifestyle). The Ziskins devote a chapter in the early portion of their book to the stresses, frustrations, disillusionments, resentments, and so forth, that are frequently born out of even good marriages, and it's kind of eye-opening. I think the chapter certainly raises the possibility that some relationships, however good, may not withstand the dynamics of marriage. Perhaps yours was good until the institution of marriage thrust its ugly head into it and turned you into different and incompatible people or your ex into a frustrated monster or something like.
Again, I'm so sorry that your marriage did not go well and that you are feeling so down. I'd write something stupid and funny to cheer you up , but I've been out of gas myself for a bit.
Hey schoolgirl:
I cn empathize. Divorce sucks,and there is no two ways about it. Realize that YOU are lovable. Lots of people love and care about you. Take advantae of that support when times are tough.
You are the bomb, and I wrote a testamonial to it. I personaly adore you and loved hanging out with you.
I was hoping that you would check out my journal too, as I value your feedback.
Read this:
You are a good person, you have a big heart and a lot to offer the world. You are lovable and loved.
Now read it again. Now say it out loud, in the first person. No louder, I cant hear you... Thats better.
I don't want to say that some people are just born resentful, but it may be that there are those in the world that have been mean for so long that they don't even realize it anymore.
I'm just speculating b/c I obviously don't know your ex.
I do believe that you will find someone to spend your life with--I really do. I doubt that's much comfort right now, but it's what I believe, and I can't lie to you.
I wish I had something to say to cheer you up. I'm sure there was nothing you did to make him act the way he did. I bet he's feeling bad about the whole thing too and knows you're hurting inside and just wants to try to be a nice guy. or if he's a real S.O.B. he's doing it on purpose, knowing it'll get to you.
anyways enough of my half-assed analysis session, I'm clueless most of the time.
I know what you are feeling. I have been there. Although you are relieved and happy you also feel you failed. At something important. I eventually had to come to realize that it wasn't me but him. He failed to keep his end of the bargain. You are not the one with the problem. Sometimes men see a strong woman and feel the need to tear them apart. Unfortunately, we women seem to think that we are the ones at fault.
There is really nothing much anyone can say that will help that only time will help. Stupid cliche's always seem to apply. At least now you can focus on loving yourself and finding out what you want again. Then the whole world opens up.
You are not unlovable - I bet everytime your daughter looks at you, there is love in her eyes. Not to mention, your man seems to really dig you. After all, he got your panties licked for you!
hey, happy birthday - my computer was and is broken so I havent been on in awhile. that is so sad to hear you talking about your divorce -Im so sorry, thats got to be really hard. Ive never been maried for sure and havent really even had a relationship thats lasted for more than a few months yet, but of course I know what pain feels like... Its nice to hear how profound you consider mariage - I like to believe that it can work and is meaningful and some day I want to get married. Well good luck - dont suffer too much
I just wanted to wish you happy birthday, since it matches mine (aside from the year .
I got divorced once, too; I won't offer any advice other than it's a path you walk by yourself... just keep plenty of friends on the sidelines with cups of gatorade to give you as you pass by the checkpoints.
hey girl, it was nice to meet you and everyone else. I had such a great time. hopefully we can all get together again soon.
i just noticed your birthdate.. hope you had a happy b-day!!!
I doubt he truely hated you I imagine he probably had some self loathing issues that translated into him forcing those close to him away. So I say now, it was not you, there is no way it could be you that he hated. You are far and away too friendly, smart, funny, caring and to top it all off you are a real looker too Feel better honey and remember I'm coming to the States!!!!
hey i woulda wished you happy birthday too, but i just got back yesterday after my hiatus.
im sorry youre going through this shit. the only thing i can think of to say without sounding cliche or candycoating shit is that it never stops hurting but after a while it hurts a lot less and you can be happy again.
I've been in a bit of a mood myself these days and I think it's good to feel even when we know it's not rational. Just to get it out.
I think deep down you know you're not damaged goods and that he didn't really ever hate you. It's just that sometimes lines are crossed and for some people there is no rebounding from that.
I have been divorced, and was recently going through attempts at ending my current seven year relationship. I know how you feel about the sense of failure and it's natural. We made many promises to our lovers but the ones we made to ourselves and broke are much more damaging.
I don't know you but I see your name all over this site. Everyone has had a kind word to say about you and it brought me to your journal today. I hope that tells you something about how loveable you really are.
RE: "I just want to know what made me so unloveable and not worthwhile."
Again, I'm so sorry that your marriage did not go well and that you are feeling so down. I'd write something stupid and funny to cheer you up