schoolgirl

Thanks for the birthday wishes, guys. I do love you so much.

This is not the usual upbeat, cheerful and inspiring schoolgirl journal. I accept that being sad is part of life and I can not deny natural human emotions if I want to be healthy.

yeah, I am sad about my divorce. It's been 2 weeks and it's kind of hitting me that it's real and what it really means. it means someone promised to love me and be by my side forever. I got destroyed and told "I hate you" most of the time.

I am not lamenting or thinking woe is me. I just wish I could understand something. I will never get an answer as to what made him hate me so much.

I stay strong even though it kind of breaks a little piece of my heart off to see him. Since the date of the divorce he has been kind, speaks softly, and even offered to clean the snow off my car. It's really great to be civil for the sake of our daughter, but I am speechless and have no idea what to think.

my rational side is glad it's over and has been moving on for quite a while. my heart is aching to know if making that promise in front of my family to love me forever meant anything.

I just want to know what made me so unloveable and not worthwhile.

And I'm really feeling like damaged goods every time people tell me how common divorce is someday someone will want me. people should really think when they give advice and comfort. damn.