scarekrow

Holy Shit. My buddy's girlfriend is THE most annoying girl in the world when you're stuck with her for 4 days.

A) I have never heard anybody bitch more about EVERYTHING on a vacation. From the minute we left, she found everything to bitch about.

It's too hot! (It's summer... get the fuck over it).
We should have stayed here/ gone here/ etc etc etc. (Then you plan the god damned vacation... this is where I'm going)
The pool at the hotel is too small! (I didn't travel 350 miles for a hotel pool...)
It's too hot! (It's still summer... it hasn't changed yet)
We need more ketchup. This isn't enough ketchup for my fries! (Listen... 30 packets of MickeyD's ketchup should be PLENTY. I'd say the girl in the drive-thru was really fuckin' generous)

B) Okay, I'm all sympathetic for a girl having menstrual cramps and all... but only when said pains are sincere. Case in point:
It's say... 8:30 on Saturday night. She's been wanting to go back to the hotel and go to the pool for about 2 hours now. (I did not travel 350 miles and spend $70 on amusement park tickets to swim in a god damned hotel pool!) We're in the park, having a fun time when her cramps start "getting really bad"... she can barely walk, she whines about EVERYTHING... etc, etc. So finally, about 9:30, my buddy asks if we can just call it a night (Mind you, I could have gotten on 2-3 other coasters before the park closed) I give in... we go back and decide to just go swimming. Here's the part that kicks me in the nuts.
As SOON as we get back to the hotel and into the pool, ZOMG... all signs of menstrual pains are gone. She's running around, jumping around... horseplay in the pool, and all that jazz. Gee... maybe she was just being a fuckin' brat to get what she wanted? I think so. Menstrual pains my ass... you just wanted to guilt us into getting your lazy ass back to the pool.

C) Acting like a 2 year old is neither cute, nor attractive... and I don't see how my friend stands for it. Everytime she started using her "cute" little girl voice, I wanted to stab her in the fucking face and eat her brain. Every fucking 20 minutes, I had to hear... "Baby, I WUV you", and watch her wait for him to say it back. Yea, good. I'm all for happy couples, but come the fuck on! This brings me to point number D:

D) Public Displays of Affection should not be so forced. You want to hold onto your significant other, etc... go right on ahead. But begging for a kiss every 2 minutes is a weeeeee bit much. You're going to be together for 4 days. You'll have plenty of time. But hugging, kissing and being generally, retardedly clingy for 4 days is way too much for me to stand. I could tell that my friend wasn't having it either... he would give her the "yes, yes... I know you want attention" kiss just to get her to shut up and stop saying "I WUV you, baby"

E) If you're drunk. Admit it... otherwise, we'll be under the impression that you're acting like a fucktard for no apparent reason. If you can't stand, talk, act coherently... then you are DRUNK. Stop assuring as that you're perfectly fine.

F) 18 year olds with a pack a day smoking habit are one of the most annoying things I have ever come in contact with. Is it really that exciting, that everytime the car stops, or we get off a ride... I have to wait 15 minutes for you to look cool and nurse a fucking cigarette? If you smoke, I don't care... more power to you. But get over yourself. It's a cigarette. I think I must have honestly wasted a solid 2 hours this weekend, waiting on her to smoke a fuckin' cigarette.
*About to get in line for a ride*
"Baby, can I have my cigarettes, pweeeeeeze?"
*Repeat 20 times daily*

No! You can't have your fucking cigarettes, because you need to be stabbed!

[/rant]