sammiejean

This is what i do when I'm sick,look up funny things that make me smile. here's a few of the better ones.

Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! Fuck Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!


If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.



My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch."



I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, "You're next".


No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.



I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?



I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.



Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.




Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.


My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.