the last week has been fucking terrible.
so apparently there's a giant nerve that starts at the base of your spine, splits off in two, goes through your ass cheeks, down your legs, all the way down to your ankles.
when that nerve becomes pinched or inflamed, the result is sharp shooting pains from your back to your ankles. it hurts to walk, sit, stand, or lie down. it hurts to move in most ways. and while the pain is specific, it moves and pulses.
when it first hit me, i thought maybe my legs were just cramped, and it would work itself out. today i can barely walk. the pain is so intense and unyielding that it keeps me awake all night unless i treat it with ice and a hot bath before bed.
i dislike painkillers and i generally refuse to take them, because i believe that they interfere with your body's natural process of fixing itself. pain is information, and i believe that it's healthier to directly experience suffering, so the cause of the injury becomes known. however in this case i can't deal. so i'm taking them once / day until i'm fixed.
today, while sobbing on O, the thought crossed my mind that maybe this will be permanent. maybe it will never go away. maybe i'll have this forever. maybe i'll be one of those people who, suddenly out of the blue, in their late 20s, can no longer walk without assistance.
tomorrow i'm getting massaged again. hopefully christie will fix me. hopefully it will fix itself. i can't help wondering what i may have done to bring this upon myself. what tension have i created in myself, what have i forced on others to cause my body to attack itself. i haven't come to any conclusions yet.
i do know that the universe is balanced, and that balance is the one grand unified force of action in the universe. if i create pain, i will experience pain. i will think about this more.
so apparently there's a giant nerve that starts at the base of your spine, splits off in two, goes through your ass cheeks, down your legs, all the way down to your ankles.
when that nerve becomes pinched or inflamed, the result is sharp shooting pains from your back to your ankles. it hurts to walk, sit, stand, or lie down. it hurts to move in most ways. and while the pain is specific, it moves and pulses.
when it first hit me, i thought maybe my legs were just cramped, and it would work itself out. today i can barely walk. the pain is so intense and unyielding that it keeps me awake all night unless i treat it with ice and a hot bath before bed.
i dislike painkillers and i generally refuse to take them, because i believe that they interfere with your body's natural process of fixing itself. pain is information, and i believe that it's healthier to directly experience suffering, so the cause of the injury becomes known. however in this case i can't deal. so i'm taking them once / day until i'm fixed.
today, while sobbing on O, the thought crossed my mind that maybe this will be permanent. maybe it will never go away. maybe i'll have this forever. maybe i'll be one of those people who, suddenly out of the blue, in their late 20s, can no longer walk without assistance.
tomorrow i'm getting massaged again. hopefully christie will fix me. hopefully it will fix itself. i can't help wondering what i may have done to bring this upon myself. what tension have i created in myself, what have i forced on others to cause my body to attack itself. i haven't come to any conclusions yet.
i do know that the universe is balanced, and that balance is the one grand unified force of action in the universe. if i create pain, i will experience pain. i will think about this more.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
if so, i've had that same problem since high school. I've tried just about everything for it. Painkillers, Vioxx (desroys your liver), chiropractors, resting....
the one thing that has helped me the most is doing yoga. that is how I became a yoga addict, actually. I started going to try to fix my back.
there's a series of stretches you can do to move the sacrum into the right place-- which takes pressure off the sciatic nerve. I will show you, or you can come to my class with me if you want. I used to be in excrutiating pain constantly and I'm almost 100% better!
I'm off to Brazil for 2 weeks, then I'll be here. In the meantime, take it easy!
raina