I attacked my unstretched canvas with a vengeance I havent felt in over or about five years.
I was angered to tears today, for no particular reason, other than it seems Im going through another blue period, if you will. Well, no, not even that, perhaps just a period of frustration. I was trying to structure my art work, trying to give myself parameters in which I had to abide. Assignments, even. But tonight, I thought fuck this, I have been regimented enough, its time to pull it from within, not just rip off of someone elses picturesque landscape that they captured while on some extravagant super indulgent adventure. Some trek across some plain where the people spoke a forgotten language and wore only a sheath to protect the parts that would create generations and generations to follow. Who the hell am I to take to my canvas the photograph that someone took while invading anothers home? To be perfectly honest, I felt more disrespectful towards these people photographed than the actual photographer. Who the hell did they think they were to treat these people like farm/zoo animals? After so many years of preaching on acceptance and equal rights, here we are treating this group of individuals like a pack of wild animals, some other species that we are somehow entitled to take portraits of and then sell.
No, I thought, tonight I needed to really FEEL this. Ive written on deflecting feelings before, but no more. No longer am I going to bury my frustrations in the crotch of some semi-known guy (however, we all know that my dating life has been relatively null and void for sometime, now...), or some other equally disgusting behavior. NO, tonight I am in control and its going to be channeled productively. I tried something new tonight, too. I ended up using all of my paint, but I didnt care. I grabbed my ultramarine blue, and alizarin crimson and without yield, squeezed the paint right onto the canvas and just began to spread it, feverishly. I have to say, after a good two hours of painting, and then this writing, I feel a revival. I feel as though I might actually be able to sleep tonight, perhaps even read.
I was angered to tears today, for no particular reason, other than it seems Im going through another blue period, if you will. Well, no, not even that, perhaps just a period of frustration. I was trying to structure my art work, trying to give myself parameters in which I had to abide. Assignments, even. But tonight, I thought fuck this, I have been regimented enough, its time to pull it from within, not just rip off of someone elses picturesque landscape that they captured while on some extravagant super indulgent adventure. Some trek across some plain where the people spoke a forgotten language and wore only a sheath to protect the parts that would create generations and generations to follow. Who the hell am I to take to my canvas the photograph that someone took while invading anothers home? To be perfectly honest, I felt more disrespectful towards these people photographed than the actual photographer. Who the hell did they think they were to treat these people like farm/zoo animals? After so many years of preaching on acceptance and equal rights, here we are treating this group of individuals like a pack of wild animals, some other species that we are somehow entitled to take portraits of and then sell.
No, I thought, tonight I needed to really FEEL this. Ive written on deflecting feelings before, but no more. No longer am I going to bury my frustrations in the crotch of some semi-known guy (however, we all know that my dating life has been relatively null and void for sometime, now...), or some other equally disgusting behavior. NO, tonight I am in control and its going to be channeled productively. I tried something new tonight, too. I ended up using all of my paint, but I didnt care. I grabbed my ultramarine blue, and alizarin crimson and without yield, squeezed the paint right onto the canvas and just began to spread it, feverishly. I have to say, after a good two hours of painting, and then this writing, I feel a revival. I feel as though I might actually be able to sleep tonight, perhaps even read.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
eli:
haha i drink so much grolsch
gersguy:
Vent. Well sounds like you did. Good job! I thought I saw a light over the trees from me!!